This is Politics
by Drarry Contributor
Summary: Draco is moving on with his life in chains, trying to forget Crabbe and Snape while his parents tell him his life from now on. Well, Harry Potter is in love with him, and Draco wants nothing to do with him. He just wants to move on and freeze Drarry
1. Remaining Frozen

This came to me a while ago, in a thought, just wondering what would happen if the world was fair, so fair in fact that something bad happened. Well soon after that I began writing this. Much more is written on DA but this is edits and there is so much more on this then there is on Deviantart. On DA this is split into two parts and is so much shorter. I hope someone likes this, its a piece of me, just as A Man at the Crossroads is a piece of me, of course the writing is a bit more underdeveloped but I hope in my editing I can fix that. Chapters for this should come faster than the Crossroads story because first of all I have more written of this than the crossroad story and because its so much less work.

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><p>Chapter 1<p>

Remaining Frozen

_"You're dead, Potter."_

_"Funny, you would think I'd stop walking around…"_

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><p>The classroom was dull with students falling asleep and the teacher turning the most interesting topics into a plethora of sleeping children. Lucius Malfoy knew about this specific teacher and made sure I learned history directly from my father instead of this dull ghost. I glanced around the room and noticed Weasel already passed out cold, the Mudblood was furiously taking notes, and Potter was rocking back and forth in his seat, fighting sleep.<p>

When he was younger he probably would waste his time scribbling some pathetic note and sending it to Potter to freak him out. But those days are over… I remember the exact instant they ended and once they did the world seemed so much crueler. It was probably because the most frightening man in existence was restored, but he's gone now and I have become a man. Resting my elbow on the desk, I cupped my chin in my hand and blew out a sigh, lazily writing notes. My eyes never strayed from Potter and his friends for long though.

Blaise asked me for a quill making me momentarily turn my attention away from the trio and hand him one, causing him to gasp. "You're freezing!" He cried making Goyle offer me an extra coat. I declined, I'm always 'freezing.'

For as long as I can remember, there have always been some frozen pieces of ice within my very soul. It makes me wonder if maybe I was destined to be frozen solid. Completely frozen and put off from everyone else. Sounds like a dream, a perfect one that I would gladly fall into. "Class dismissed." The ghost informed us all in his dull voice before floating through the back wall. I stood up and walked over to the door with my bag over my shoulder. This is just another day.

"The lesson too dull for the Wizarding Savior," I asked with a smirk making him glance over and send a glare over at me as he tried to wake up Weasel. Goyle and Blaise held open the doors but before I could get much farther Potter surprised me. His face was red with the heat of his anger as he balled his hands into fists. It was just a stupid comment, not worthy of the rage he's displaying for everyone to see, but maybe it's a show, just like all those publicity stunts were just shows from the Ministry. His face adorning the paper to inspire confidence in a world without He Who Must Not Be Named, it was all a fraud to get everyone to side with the latest minister. Harry is just a corporate tool, or maybe he's already done with that and ready to be a heroic whore next. Who knows the steps of heroism?

"I saved your parents from Azkaban and defended you against the rest of the student body and all you can do is insult me." He hissed letting me see some deep and painful in his eyes. The war must have hurt him more than I thought. I placed a hand on my chest quickly but it was still cold so I just smirked at him. I'm still frozen. He must think he's so _brilliant_, so _cunning_, and so _kind_ for all that he did for me and my family. But he's not. I don't give a damn if he did help us or didn't. Either way my life would be stagnant and I'm not going to pretend otherwise.

"I'm the bad guy, Potter. That's all I'm ever going to be no matter how much good you do me." I said blankly and then turned around and began to leave. Warm air swept through my hollow chest making me cough to myself until the abomination left and I became cold once more. If only he knew just how many emotions I've frozen over just to remain this calm bastard who isn't affected by his world falling apart around him. He doesn't have a clue how hard it is on all of us, even the ones who did nothing wrong. As long as we are Slytherin, there is payment to be made. There are sacrifices and death, and suicide all because of this world and the stereotypes thrown in our faces. We didn't ask for the Dark Lord, we only asked for a childhood where we could strut about pretending to be the biggest and worst out there. Mindless bullies who didn't have a clue what it would be like to lose everything, but we were just kids, it was a heartless lesson for just a bunch of kids.

We're all pretending everything's normal though, for the other houses. Sure our fighting has calmed down with the knowledge that we hold no power anymore but there is still instances where fighting occurs. Just fragments of moments where we relive our glory. Harry doesn't seem to notice, his life became better after the Dark Lord died, nothing bad has happened to him because of it except maybe a girl going a little too crazy and stripping in public for him. I hate him, and don't hesitate to show it.

Bickering happens every once in a while between Potter and I but it's more of a routine than a desire to hurt his precious feelings. I shouldn't bother, my parents wouldn't approve but that doesn't mean anything. I can do little rebellions here and there. If I didn't then that would show them that I've been chained down. I can't afford to show weakness in front of Potter or anyone here. Not until I know my life and what I'm going to be doing, which I won't know until my parents tell me. They've managed to keep it hidden for a while. Wonder if I'll find out the last day of school or if they'll be generous and give it to me before then.

When I got to the Great Hall for lunch I was pleased to see Pansy had saved me the best seat there. No one dared to face her claws and sit in the places reserved for Blaise, Goyle, and I. They sat down first then I did as well, reluctant as ever to eat a meal at this school. The food was fine, only just up to par but you can't expect much from house elves. The school never allowed personal house elves to cook meals, which is too bad. My parents will probably allow at least one elf with me once I live on my own, not sure if they would be that generous though.

Potter was talking heatedly with his fellow Gryffindors about something but I wasn't paying attention to whether it was good or bad since an owl dropped by and gave me a letter, several students stared at me not knowing why I would be allowed to get a letter outside of the designated mail time. But this wasn't an event to get excited about. Letters are never good in my case.

Opening the letter I saw it was my father telling me that he had sold the last of the dark artifacts that my family owns and that he is being demoted at the Ministry. It went on to say that he may start working in the Muggle department in order to attempt to restore some of the family pride. It ended with a request for me to send a letter to the Crabbe family in Azkaban. Putting the letter to the side, I noticed McGonagall staring at me from the Headmaster's seat. She had a light frown on her face but I could see that she knew that my family was relying on me, for the most part, to restore honor to the Malfoy name. They'll need to keep close contact with me and make sure that I'm acting like a good little wizard.

It was standard and made to be polite and kind in case someone from the ministry snatched it to read its contents. Father has always been cautious in that way. The thought of sending a letter to the family of Crabbe made my stomach twist.

"What does the letter say?" Pansy asked softly, her finger tracing circles on my arm as she looked up at me through her short black hair that had gathered around her pale face. I took in her appearance and the way she was slowly inching towards me before turning away. Too many people have been trying to get on my good side. If they knew it didn't exist then maybe I would finally get my space.

"None of your business, Pansy, and I'd prefer it if you would stop prying into my life." In Slytherin my family is still the best although it's only because my family is the only one who wasn't sent to Azkaban. Most of the Slytherins lost family members to the war, and almost all of them were on the Dark Lord's side. My family helped Potter when he came back to life as well. Our credit will probably remain the best for the next two generations.

"Why are you always so cold?" she whined making me smirk lightly before motioning for Goyle to take care of the problem. He physically moved her from her seat and before she could protest, three Slytherins began fighting to take her place. I ignored them and instead focused on the ceiling, it's cloudy today apparently and we should be expecting rain. Sounds like a great day for Quidditch practice, ice cold rain with harsh winds, absolutely perfect.

The letter would have to wait till later for a reply, or perhaps I just won't send one. Either way my parents could care less. I'm only meant to be a pawn in their social game which they have already lost thanks to alliances to the wrong sort. I am their last opportunity to raise their spot on the social ladder and most likely they will use me till the day I die. The thought didn't sicken me or cause a disgruntled response. No, I'm used to it. I've always known my parents will pick the life I am to lead in order to better themselves; they don't give a damn about me.

I left the Hall then, knowing full well that I had only eaten a bit of Strawberry Buttermilk Soup, the only cold lunch dish the elves thought to make. Sighing to myself I wondered how long it would take until something would finally freeze me completely… because there's something that's not quite apathetic within me, the sooner I find that the better.

Blaise and Goyle had followed after me quickly when I left, allowing me to When I got outside I noticed that another house was at the pitch so apparently I had left too early. Lying down on a slight hill with a tree at the top, I closed my eyes and focused on my breathing. They were close, too close, I'm never alone, and when the hell will I ever be alone? I just need to… grieve, live, do _something_. Anything is better than this. In and out, the air left my lungs then filled back in showing that I'm alive. It was soothing, knowing that after everything, I'm still alive.

_Frozen sweat covered me as I stared at the strings attached to every joint and muscle I have. I tried to struggle and do anything I could but I was unable to move, the room was dark but the strings were glowing allowing me to only see them and nothing else. Suddenly the strings lifted and I was standing in a dark room with no one there besides me and the puppet master. In a matter of seconds I was walking around in a suddenly crowded room, showing guests to their seats with a brilliant smile. My insides were hollow and cold but my body was beginning to warm with the heat of a fire that seemed to appear by magic. It was at the foot of a long wooden table where people were gathering around. _

_And at the center of this table was Potter himself. _

_He was smiling and talking animatedly with the other guests while my puppet master made sure I attended to his every whim, even as my body ached from the pain of constantly running and rushing to get everything done. My brain was heating to dangerous levels but Potter didn't notice this since he was too busy laughing and having fun with my guests. _

_Placing a goblet of wine in front of him, I watched in horror as he filled it with fire and then handed it to me, demanding I drink it. The puppet master made me take it, and somehow I knew he was smirking and enjoying this. "No!" I screamed but I had no control and without the help of my puppet master, the word was ill spoken and could barely be recognized as the word it is. The goblet was against my lips now and that's when… I died. Fire was bursting from every part of my body, destroying all the frozen pieces of my very being. _

"Malfoy," a voice said causing me to open my eyes and stare up at a concerned Goyle as Blaise made sure no one could come near me. I was lying by the lake, cold rain falling down on me lightly but the wind was whipping my blond hair back and forth across my face. "Are you alright?" He asked as I sat up and rubbed my arms roughly, wanting to forget the grotesque dream.

My head felt heavy and my eyes seemed to be thick, making it hard for them to keep open, but knowing that Quidditch practice will be starting soon with me as Captain, I forced myself to get used to the minor annoyance.

"I'm fine, Goyle." I said icily and then wiped myself off just as I noticed Potter and his friends heading back to the castle from the Quidditch field. The Gryffindors get to go first today with their practice and then it's the Slytherins turn, seems as though it is time for me to go to the pitch. Scowling, I got ready for the onslaught I knew would happen thanks to my undoubtedly sickly features. Weasley was the first to notice me, I could tell by that disgusting grin on his face.

"Your past sins finally catching up with you, Malfoy?" Weasel called causing cold sweat to cover me in humiliation at having my enemies notice me when I was having such a disturbing dream. I narrowed my eyes at him before smirking lightly. A good Malfoy always has a good comeback up his sleeve, even if it means undermining the deaths of the ones he cares about.

"What nightmare could I possibly have about my past?" I smirked in response causing the idiot to go red with rage and rush forward, the Mudblood stopped him but Potter walked ahead of them both until he was a couple inches away from me. The power radiating off of him was exhilarating in a painful way. So this is the power which killed the Dark Lord… it's so sick and evil and twisted. Maybe all along Potter has been hiding something from everyone.

"Don't joke about the war, Draco. That's the one thing I can't allow you to do. He lost his brother in that war, and you lost Crabbe and your godfather. Don't make comments like that or else I'm going to have to shut you up for good. I'm not going to be a saint while you go off about something that killed several people I loved." He threatened. A fire was in his eyes, it looked so much like the fire in the goblet from my dream that I found myself taking a step back before regaining my composure. Malfoy's don't get thrown off for something as insignificant as a nightmare. I knew that throwing another insult won't make me win this battle; it'll just involve the already steaming Granger. No, in order to win this battle I have to throw something at them that will make the holy trio think and when they think they will be thinking about something true and painful and deep. Something that shows I'm not the same as I once was.

Taking in a deep breath I frowned and twisted my eyebrows. "The war isn't over, Potter. It won't end until everyone who was a part of it dies." I answered, surprising myself in this truth but I couldn't let him know. He just scowled and stormed off with his friends in a flurry of flames, or maybe that was just my imagination. Either way I was surprised when Granger stared at me with a look on her face that seemed to radiate awe and thoughtfulness. At the very least, one of them will think about this tonight.

"Quidditch practice," Blaise reminded me softly, making me stalk past him, furious that Potter's heat was stuck within me like a sudden illness of some sort. The grass was damp, covering my shoes and the bottom of my robes with mud but I couldn't bring myself to care as the prospect of flying in the brunt of it lured me ever closer to the changing room. Being the Slytherin captain, no one questioned me for being late, all knowing that since I'm also a prefect it would not bode well for them. I glanced over at Crabbe's replacement then looked away.

He was taller than Crabbe and looked a bit thinner with a much more intelligent face. It was as though he was just trying to be better than my old friend in every way that he could be. Why compete with a dead man? What do you have to gain? Taking in another deep breath I patted my moist face with a towel and tried to breathe evenly as something wet filled my eyes, glazing them. The coolness helped me calm down, even as my stomach tightened.

I won't allow it to melt.


	2. How to be a Malfoy

Thanks to an amazing review from XxLadyKikixX I have finished the next chapter, and hey! It's longer! I'll be working on this at school too but don't expect tons of updates really fast because I have other stories too such as A Man at the Crossroads which needs chapter 6 eventually and my two Forget fanfics. I love this story so much and I can't wait to see what you guys think of it! Shoot me a review and I promise I will update, quickly even. Well... not too quickly because I don't like to spam people with updates but even so. I've got a lot of school stuff going on. Mainly me attempting to bring all my grades up to the B's because my parents are crazy. If I can do that though I may be able to get online at home a bit more which will help me update and work. I have about eight more chapters maybe... that are just about done. So just remember, reviews help me update!

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><p>Chapter 2<p>

_"You're dead, Potter."_

_"Funny, you would think I'd stop walking around…"_

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><p>Flying through the air I took a deep breath and smelled the frozen wind with a smirk on my face, the closest thing to a smile I've had in a long time. I glided through the storm easily, knowing how to navigate the cold much better than my teammates. I left the scolding to Goyle and Blaise, who would often turn against each other at a moment's notice. There was still some tension there along with everyone else in our group. No one knows what to do with Crabbe gone. I flew and raced after the snitch, catching it and showing it off before releasing it again. I did this over and over, until my teammates all began to drift towards the ground, too tired to practice any longer.<p>

When I was new to the team, I was always the first one to give up for the day, too tired to do it any longer. Now I know that practice is needed in order to become a better team. Before it was just for the glory which is probably why I never took it seriously, as a man, it's for the relief of being free.

I swooped down to join them. Once I got off, the team headed over to me. I found myself face to face with the boy replacing Crabbe rather quickly though. He was glaring at me and his cheeks were pink and puffy but this didn't seem to mean much to him as he shoved me roughly. "What the hell are you playing at? Straight practice for three hours! How are we supposed to win anything if you aren't actually coaching us and just thrusting us into game like situations? It wouldn't help nearly as much as an actual strategy!" He shouted until his voice became hoarse with the strain.

"A waste of time," I murmured lightly making him wince before a sudden realization came over his pale pointed features. Instantly he began nodding with a light smile on his face as though I were agreeing with him or something. Goyle and Blaise were at my side instantly. He must be an idiot to think I was speaking with him on the matter, especially considering he's acting as though I'm agreeing with his stupid comment. Sure, learning strategies helps, but not if we're too weak to be able to handle them.

"So you want us to stop it? It's wasting your precious time, right?" Blaise asked with a smirk on his face. I sighed and nodded dramatically. He still didn't seem to understand as his smile became wider. I must have miscalculated in the changing room. He really does have something in common with Crabbe, both are and were complete morons.

"You take right and I'll take left." Goyle said letting Blaise know it'll be the opposite due to Goyle's uncanny ability to be a complete imbecile. Instantly they had the kid by the arms, as they dragged him away into a corner to be brutally beaten. I looked over the other team members and watched as they stared in horror at the replacement who insisted on testing my patience.

"Great practice today! I really enjoyed it Malfoy! We are definitely going to win the game against Gryffindor!" My Keeper grinned as though thinking that this pathetic array of compliments will please me in some way. My chest felt hollow and cold leaving me to frown and pant softly. I just brushed him off and went to shower and change.

Crabbe was better than this idiot, but I shouldn't cry over spilled milk. Someone will think I'm a poof if I keep destroying Crabbe's replacement. That doesn't matter though, because I'm not bent and I'm too frozen to care. The changing process was simple because they always let me have the largest shower and the most space when it comes to the room. Everyone else was chatting about school and girls while Blaise and Goyle made sure to stay by my side always. Well, not in the shower obviously.

I was the first to get into the school so I leisurely walked into the Great Hall for dinner, having left Blaise and Goyle to clean up their mess with the replacement. A piece of parchment and quill in my hand so that I may be able to write the letter my father requested. I'm a puppet, there's a necessity with showing kindness towards that family, and there's wisdom in obeying my father. But it hurts and I wish I didn't have to do it.

I shall continue to spend my life doing whatever I can to keep this ice within me, because without the cold then what do I have? I noticed the Chosen One looking annoyed as he stabbed his food. My attention shifted to the food on the table just as Blaise and Goyle showed up. Luckily the house elves have given more variety and have served cold turkey and potato salad. I gathered my food, along with some lettuce due to my mother's nagging about my nutrition, and ate slowly, making sure to show off my aristocratic upbringing. As a child I was often told to show off my manners as much as possible in the hopes that someone important might notice. So far no one has.

"Did you hear that Harry Potter is in love with Albus Dumbledore? There's apparently some sick pedophilia thing going on between them." Pansy laughed, holding up a newspaper that she had undoubtedly filched from some poor Hufflepuff. I smirked lightly and took the paper from her before skimming it over.

Amusing, complete shite but amusing nonetheless, I smirked over at Potter when I noticed him looking at me and then sipped my pumpkin juice gingerly. The hero is the one being tortured by the news, not the villains. The irony is just too perfect; I almost wanted to laugh but managed to hold it in. He sent a heated glare in my direction causing me to almost choke on my pumpkin juice. He shouldn't have done that while I was drinking! What if it came out of my nose?

"Are you alright, Draco?" Pansy asked from beside me, her eyes drooped and her tone an attempt at being seductive which has failed beyond measure. I eyed her and then looked away. "I could make it all better if you want me too…" This time when I looked at her I took it all in, her beauty and the obvious promise in her voice, along with the cleavage she managed to position her robes into showing.

"I'm not so desperate as to accept such a disturbing proposition." I informed her blandly before getting up to leave, hardly touching my food once more. My mouth has become hot with rage, an odd feeling that I haven't felt in a long time. I did once though. As I left the Great Hall I began to think back on it.

When I was six years old my parents introduced me to Crabbe and Goyle with the simple instructions to use them as I will for whatever reason I want. That's all I was told and so I was childish enough to think I could make them my friends. Every day they would come to the Malfoy Manor and we would play countless wizarding games and sometimes I would make them train me for hours a day in Quidditch, that way I'd be sure to make the team in my second year of Hogwarts. This was back before it was a competition with Potter. We laughed and played together, and I enjoyed their company, even if the two were rather slow at times.

One day they didn't come over like I expected and instead I was met by my father looking ready to kill. His eyes were full of rage and disappointment, as though I had failed him in some way. Which in a way I did, but there was no way for me to know any better at that point in time. "Draco," My name came out as a curse, as though I should be ashamed that I am the _thing_ that bears that name. I stared up at him levelly even though my insides were trembling in fear. I was six years old and had never been the cause of such anger from the man I call father. "Have you had fun with Crabbe and Goyle?" He asked softly, his voice sickeningly sweet.

I smiled up at him, happy the conversation had changed for the better. "Yes I have, father. They are fun to hang out with and seem to understand me very well. I believe we will be friends soon." I grinned, using all the words my mother had taught me this year, in order to show my good upbringing off. He just smiled sweetly at me before grabbing handfuls of my white-blond hair. It hurt… the way he yanked and lifted me by it. Usually he wouldn't harm me; in fact, this was the first time he ever did. I knew I must have been very bad to get such a punishment from him.

"We do not become _friends_ with our servants, Draco. Having fun with them is a waste of time; you should be spending your time being the best rather than having fun and playing games! Work on your studies and train harder on Quidditch! No laughing or lazing about! You are going to school in five years time and by then you need to be the best and make the top marks in school! Harry Potter has been living with Muggles and he's sure to be better than you due to your frivolous desires and habit of wasting your time and mine. Now go. I don't even want to look at you." He spat making my eyes widen as tears swelled up. "Don't cry Draco, I may just have to disown you." It was cold, but later on I made fun of that moment. Sometimes it's better to pretend like it doesn't hurt rather than holding your wound close. I still remember trying and failing to hold back my tears. It was the first time I remember crying. But my father was fine.

He walked off with grace as my mother rushed forward from the shadows. She straightened my nice robes and then smoothed my hair back. "Do what your father says, but don't worry. He's not as angry as he seems. He truly does love you but just wants you to do better." She smiled, but I could see something wrong about it. It was a lie. She was lying to my face and the worst part was that I knew. That young and I knew that she was lying to me about my father's feelings toward me. This was the day I got a glimpse at what it means to be my parents' pawn.

After that Crabbe and Goyle were no longer blokes I could laugh and hang out with. Instead they were bodyguards and loyal servants who cared for my every desire and whim. They were a bit shocked with the change of relationship between us but they seemed to realize that it hurt me too and did their best to do as they were told. We became even closer due to that, which is something my father and mother still don't realize.

Sitting in Charms I tried not to think of it much more, especially with Goyle on the verge of blowing something up and Blaise watching me with those calculating eyes of his. He's always been more intuitive than the others and tends to notice things I'd rather he remain to blind to. At the moment his eyes were more wide with shock then with realization.

"You already mastered the charm?" Blaise asked in astonishment as I just waved my wand lazily, causing Goyle to become silent even as he tried to talk or scream. It was basic really, and I could do much more than that, but sheer laziness made sure I refrained from showing off more than was required as a Malfoy. I'm never the first one to master a charm, that honor is for Granger, but I am always second and I do it with the grace and ease as all the previous members of the Malfoy family have done before me. I was told at a young age that names define standing and so my own, which has been highly praised in the past, has been my label. Until last year my name was golden but as of now my name has ceased to have its influence and instead has horror and betrayal attached to it.

Thinking of all that I've lost has been a constant lately. Snape would have yelled at me long before now to stop behaving like such a child and to get over it while focusing on the future. He's always been protective, trying to bring me up to par while secretly coaching me to be strong and brave. The lessons he taught didn't help me though. I still ran away, and I'm still coping with my losses.

Placing a finger in my pocket I held on tight to a piece of ice that will never melt. I had acquired it from Severus in his will, along with several galleons of gold. He had also left a letter but I have yet to open it. Not worth my time, really. The chill made me close my eyes as I traced along the sharp edge of the ice, wondering if Severus would do this as well in order to help him maintain his mask. I blinked hard and looked out the window at the sun which decided to shine too bright for me to ignore. I cast a spell softly to myself making it shielding my eyes against the bulk of it and allowed me to look out the window without the fear of my eyes burning out of their sockets.

Days have been passing almost lazily, with no threats or anything odd going on. It seems as though we all finally get a normal school year, but I almost prefer something terrible to be going on. Then I could maybe show that I'm good and that I can do good work and then live my life doing what I want because I have restored my family's honor and no longer have to deal with these shackles. Glancing down at my wrists, I could almost picture them bolted tightly to each, heavy and golden with the family crest.

I traced flames along my arm, not thinking of Potter or fire in general… My thoughts resided on a very specific flame that roared out of control, making sure to cause me to fear for my life, not once thinking about anyone else until a certain hero flew back for something. I left my life in someone else's hands without any real choice and in the end I had forgotten about someone else's life. It's a pity, truly so. But it's not one I should mull over, especially since it's a waste of time and I can't have that. No, I should stop thinking of the idiot who ended his own life thanks to an out of control spell. I should completely forget about him. But… can I? My fingers clasped the shard of ice tighter in my fingers. Crabbe was an idiot… a fool. I have to forget him. There is no point in remembering his existence. So why the hell am I remembering him? Why can't I forget?

"Hey Draco are you okay, you look a little… off." Blaise said intelligently and stared at me closely as though the closer he gets the more likely he'll notice something that he didn't before. I ignored him, even with the knowledge that it should be Crabbe in that seat.

Water rehydrated my eyes but didn't threaten to become tears or anything stupid like that. No, my dry eyes were simply un-drying themselves… which sounds stupid even in my head. I just frowned and looked at Granger who was showing off for anyone who could see her, Weasley just looked confused and bored. I didn't dare shift my eyes over to Potter, so instead I just conjured the spell again, only on Blaise this time so I could have peace and quiet for once.

When will my life stop being so dull?

Once class ended I left swiftly and didn't bother to bring back my friends' voices, leaving them to get the teacher to help them before finding a way to chase after me. By the time they begin their search I should already be long gone. Walking swiftly out the main doors, I stuck to the shadows and headed around the castle towards the bridge, the one that comes out almost directly in front of the Forbidden Forest. Once I got to the middle portion of the bridge I closed my eyes and breathed in deeply as the wind pounded against me.

"Are you waiting for someone?" Pansy asked as I slowly slid to the ground knowing very well this is the bridge that Harry had flown through a couple years ago in order to attempt to lose a dragon. I'm not competing against him while I'm just sitting here, it'd be stupid to compete with the wizarding world's savior after all. All I'm doing is simply sitting on this bridge, the worst danger I'm in is the fact that my legs are outside of the safety of the wooden handles. I kicked my feet in the air before realizing it must look ridiculous, finally I turned to the black haired, ignorant, wench who insisted on disturbing my alone time.

"Even if I was, I wouldn't be waiting for you. Go away Pansy, and take a hint please, I'd prefer not to waste my time associating with you." To be honest, I'd rather not waste my time with anyone. Saying this last bit might have helped her though. Her eyes watered and her fists clenched, but her glare showed me the strength she tends to hide behind her girly demeanor. I smiled softly at this but she was already stalking away, leaving me alone to my thoughts and the cool brush of wind against my cheeks. That's when those thoughts I hate came back with a vengeance.

Sometimes I wonder if maybe I should have died, when the Dark Lord did. I wasn't particularly loyal to him; I am loyal to my family. That was his biggest mistake with the Malfoy group, he threatened us, and so we betrayed him. I couldn't bring myself to say that the boy with the bloated and blotchy face was Harry Potter, and I couldn't kill Albus Dumbledore. The Dark Lord threatened my family and I was too scared to be able to do as he asked, and I worked hard though to prove my loyalty in groveling and doing as my parents requested but I never killed or tortured. I couldn't do it. But even then the guilt is in place, even in my apathetic heart it's still there… or at least slight glimmers are.

It doesn't matter though because we're alive. We all made it out and I'm glad my deranged cousin died in battle. It suited Bellatrix to die by her master's side even though he didn't give a damn about her. She was willing to because she _knew_ somewhere deep inside her that he would win. But he didn't, and she died before he lost. If I died then I wouldn't have turned so cold, maybe my skin would be porcelain again instead of a grey sickly mess. I would be somewhere with porcelain skin and perhaps a smile on my face as I do whatever it is that dead people do.

"What are you doing here?" A voice asked but I ignored him and instead focused on the ground and at the sharp rocks that lay there so casually. If I jumped, would I die before I hit the ground or would I die on impact? Or perhaps… would I just lie dying with rock points piercing my body as I waited for death all alone? I like the last option best, I'm a Malfoy, and it would be a fitting end to the Malfoy name. "Are you deaf or are you so childish that you're just going to ignore me now?" The voice seemed irritated now, but I could care less. It's his own fault that he's here, not mine. One of my shoes dropped casually down towards the rocks, letting me watch it with grim fascination. "Accio shoe," He sounded almost bored as he said the spell. My shoe rose up and landed in his hand. "Malfoy, you should get away from there, what if you fall? I don't think the spell will bring you back up here to me." He said nervously.

I turned and glared at Potter, as he just looked at me with an anxious yet worried expression. I just stood up slowly, refusing to allow my foot that had no shoe to touch the disgusting wooden floor. "Give me back my shoe, Potter." I ordered, holding out my hand. He just smirked at me and held it behind his back with an obnoxious grin.

"What's the magic word?" Potter asked, seeming to be enjoying himself immensely. I just scowled. We don't play games, we never have. He shouldn't be acting so casually with me anyhow. Why in the hell is he even bothering with me? I could have received an answer to my morbid question, or maybe just a hint of an answer. That's when I realized something I could say that would make him give it back.

"Do you really want to touch my things _that_ badly? Or are you just looking for the attention that I have failed to give you these past few days?" I asked more in anger than curiosity. My foot felt odd since I'm not used to having one foot without a shoe on it. I usually have two house elves putting on my shoes at the same time so this is a rather odd experience for me. Perhaps tonight I should just lie in bed with only one sock on while the other is bare.

"Sorry, Malfoy, I'm not part of your fanclub. Don't you have to be a Slytherin for that? They're the only ones who need your almost-decent reputation." He sneered, but it looked odd on him, and obviously didn't fit, so naturally his sneer had no affect on me except maybe the urge to smile at his idiocy. No Malfoy ever smiles in amusement. We may pretend in order to get on the good side of a particularly reputable wizard, but never out of our own joy or happiness.

I looked down at the rocks and felt my eyes dry, and found myself blinking rapidly to fill them back up with enough water to be comfortable. "Here, sorry about being such an arse, I was just trying to make sure that you're okay. The date is coming up after all." Potter said softly making me blink in surprise at him, not knowing the date he's talking about. Finally he just smiled and patted my shoulder before running off. I watched him go and then placed my shoe on stiffly, it took a couple tries but I figured out how to do a decent enough knot, and luckily the robes should be covering my horrible job anyhow.

I should ask father if there are self-tying shoes I could buy, and I should also ask him if he thinks a jump off of this bridge would kill me immediately or if it would be slow and painful. On second thought, no, I shouldn't. He may get the wrong impression.


	3. Facing Death

Life has been hectic... and I'm still enjoying it somehow. I've gotten a decent ways into Chapter 6 in A Man at the Crossroads but I haven't started fixing up the next chapter of this story yet. I should work on that soon... but I'm just so tired and my birthday is Friday and I feel like... well I feel under appreciated for some reason. Don't really know why.

* * *

><p>Chapter 3<p>

Facing Death

_"You're dead, Potter."_

_"Funny, you would think I'd stop walking around…"_

* * *

><p>My eyes strayed towards Potter, with no will of my own. He could have allowed me to stay at the edge, contemplating whether or not I should die. I could have done it. My shoe would have been the first to go, although now that I think about it I am rather proud for tying it on my own rather than using a stupid elf. Perhaps I should perfect my skills until it looks like the other students' ties. I will be able to do it on my own and show off my pride in doing so. Of course I don't need to <em>tell<em> anyone of my accomplishment. That would just be ridiculous.

But I could have died.

That thought made my head snap up in time to see just who I'm trying to not think about any longer. Potter was flying with grace and agility, just as always. It was another one of their practices so I was stuck hiding in the shadows in order to watch him without arousing suspicion. I'm not in love with him. That much is obvious, but I am intrigued by his acts of heroism when he's so obviously human like the rest of us. He gets scared, angry, and passionate. He sucks at Potions and he was a suck-up to Dumbledore. No wonder there's a rumor going around that they did more than talk in the headmaster's office.

This fascination only started because of the fact that he saved my shoe. I should say he saved my life but I'm not feeling that generous and I don't really know for sure if I would have jumped off or not. That actually matters. So I won't go around claiming that he saved my life right there. I do not need to owe him my life twice, although… I almost don't want to say I owe him anything. He didn't save Crabbe.

I looked down at a band of metal around my wrist and saw that it's just two days until the anniversary. My parents won't notice it of course and yet the whole wizarding world will, but for a different reason. I should probably be happy that his death was on the same day as Voldemort's but I just don't care. He was as good as dead anyway when he first lost to Harry Potter, it was only a matter of time before he would die again. Of course, at the time, I didn't know for sure. But Crabbe was different. He shouldn't have died.

"Malfoy, you seem to have taken a liking to me." Potter smirked as he glided over to my seat. I clenched my jaw and scowled but he just laughed and got even closer to the platform I was on. "What's the matter? Shocked I knew you were here? It wasn't all that hard. You tend to stick out wherever you go." He smiled, but it looked genuine causing my eyes to widen before I leered at him. What is his problem? I was just here to figure out what their strategy will be. No… as soon as I lie to myself, that's the day I have truly failed at being a Malfoy.

"You are a fool, Potter. I would rather die than waste my time here with you." I growled, knowing full well that this comment isn't appropriate for this moment, but I couldn't bring myself to care. It hurt being so close to him. His eyes dancing like flames and his body radiating heat onto me even though he's at least three feet away. I can't handle all this… fire. I need my ice; I need something cold, I need anything that's not burning away at this frozen heart I cherish. Anything that will help me keep these memories locked away.

"Are you alright? You look scared." Potter murmured softly, as he jumped off of his broom, sweat was trickling down his temples but the rest of him was covered in his uniform. He looked like he was working hard but still wanted to do more, kind of like me in a way. The others on the team were landing on the ground, it seems as though their practice is over. No one is here to see us… they can't see the way my palms are sweating or the nervous twitch in my brow, they don't know that my mouth is filling with water as though I'm looking at ice cream. They don't know, and I refuse to let anyone know how I've fallen for a ghost, but luckily it's not love and falling just means I have to land on solid ground eventually, catching myself before the crash.

"No, I am _not_ alright." I hissed and then turned around and left just as my eyes were beginning to burn. The stairs were a comfort, a way to help me breathe once again and clear my eyes of that stupid sensation that's attacked me the last few days. It feels odd to be around him. "I'm contaminating myself…" I hissed softly as I stalked towards the castle. That's when I heard Ginny Weasley shouting about something Potter did, sounding excited. I smiled icily and scoffed at the scene. She was hugging him tightly and laughing loud enough for me to hear her about fifty feet away at the very least, succeeding in annoying me. That's when I bumped into another annoyance.

"Malfoy? What are you doing out here?" Blaise asked curiously, tilting his head to the side as I just glared and shrugged him off. He shows up often when I don't want him, but feeling as drained and disturbed as I am, I didn't bother putting a silencing charm on him. He looked past me, at Potter, and then smiled softly. "Is that Harry Potter? They're acting like he just won the game or something. Oh yeah, the game is coming up next week. When is the next practice going to be?" He asked me with a smile on his face, seeming to put all his faith in me.

"I don't know yet. How about you decide, I'll have us work on one of Marcus' favorite strategies. It won him several games in his time so it may do the same for us." I said, just saying something without really thinking much about it. But Blaise seemed to be happy to hear such a plan from me, which let me know that I had been worrying him lately. He really is an idiot.

"Sounds like a plan." He grinned. "You seem a bit… more human today. I like it, it's a nice change." Blaise informed me then turned around and started to leave. "Let's go to the common room, or do you want an early lunch? Either is good for me, but I don't think you should be spending so much time alone." He said as though he were a parent of mine or had any real authority over me. That was fine though, I like the idea of hanging out with someone today, rather than being alone. We walked into the castle with matching scowls but his eyes were playful while mine were amused. I feel a bit… better today, than usual at least.

"It's almost the day." Blaise informed me in a light tone but his eyes were tight.

"Almost," I nodded curtly.

We stayed silent after that.

The first thing I noticed when I woke up was that I didn't want to get up, which in and of itself that meant that I didn't really wake up at all. Goyle was crying softly on his bed and I could see Blaise just staring at the ceiling with a blank look on his pale face. Sighing to myself, I finally got up knowing one thing for sure, I don't want to look like those losers. The boys' showers were relatively empty but the students who were in there left as soon as I arrived. Blinking roughly I then recalled that I can use the Prefect's bathroom instead so I left swiftly and hurried to the bathroom before anyone could see me.

My body was as heavy as a troll but that didn't stop me from rushing forward to start the drains of cold water going, with the appropriate mixture of lavender and lilac perfumed liquid. An odd mixture of purple and yellow flooded the baths but I couldn't bring myself to care as I stripped off my clothes swiftly and slid myself in. My tense shoulders relaxed immediately as my eyes stung with tears that couldn't shed themselves. I have much more dignity than that.

The look of surprise on Crabbe's face when the spell went out of control… it flashed in my mind and refused to go away. Eyes stinging worse than before, I turned off the faucets then dived under water letting myself get fully covered by the water's comforting embrace. But it's not good enough. I want to cry, scream, smash everything in the school, and hit Potter's smug face until it's distorted and no longer recognizable to even Dumbledore's portrait. Today is not a good day and it never will be.

"Draco!" A voice cried making me lift my head immediately, my face covered in bubbles as I gazed at the light blue form of Moaning Myrtle. She smiled at me and gave a little finger wave then got into the bath. I wiped the bubbles off of my face and nodded in return as she just gazed around the Prefects' bath in silence. She understands me ever since I gave her the chance to, and since then she visits from time to time, preferably in the bath for some reason.

"Hello, Myrtle." I answered and leaned back, not caring if she saw me naked or not. I'm sexy as all hell and I know it, so it doesn't make a difference to me if she notices it as well, although judging by darkness along her cheeks I know she has. She smiled wryly at me and then began to inch a little closer. Sometimes she reminds me of Pansy but since she can't really touch, it doesn't bother me. I've caught the stupid little Slytherin inching her hand up my thigh once and she hasn't tried it again.

"It's the day, isn't it?" She asked with a bit too much excitement. I just nodded nonchalantly and looked away as my eyes grew cold with water. She just chuckled darkly. "I'm so sorry your dear friend died a year ago, Draco. How awful," Myrtle cackled and flew into the air gingerly. I shrugged it off.

"It's not your fault so I refuse to accept your apology." I answered in a dull voice, not wanting to talk to her if she only wants to hear me cry. This is sometimes the case. She just gets bored with being the saddest person in school so she likes to enjoy others misery for a while. This is probably why she went out of her way to visit today.

"But then whose fault is it?" She asked in response with a little pout. I looked up at her with furrowed eyebrows and then looked away as my eyes began to narrow. A choked sob came out without my permission and soon I was burying my face into the water in order to clean my eyes. When I came up for air she was right in front of me, looking serious, if not a little pouty. "Whose fault is it, Draco?"

I looked up at her and forced myself to do so evenly. "The fault is mine. It is and always will be my fault that Crabbe died. This is what you want, right Myrtle? To hear poor little Draco cry about how it's his entire fault and how he doesn't even know what to do with himself anymore? That I'm such a pathetic wizard that I'm even contemplating suicide! That's it, right Myrtle? That's what you want to hear isn't it?" I shouted and punched the edge of the bath. She flinched then flew back a little. She looked sadder than usual but I couldn't bring myself to care. She's the one who wanted me to answer her stupid question all because of her stupid sadistic mood!

"I'm sorry, Draco… I just wanted someone to be sadder than me, but I don't think I want that anymore." She said softly, as she began to cry. This is the first time I've ever seen Moaning Myrtle cry without letting the whole world hear it. That's when she turned around and swept out of the room looking like her life just collapsed around her.

"Who cares about that ugly thing anyway? She's just a spoiled brat who doesn't understand that just because we're both broken doesn't mean I want her company." I hissed but it wasn't as harsh as I intended, instead the words themselves seemed to fade as I buried myself inside the warming water. It was slowly becoming room temperature letting me know I need to get out soon. But…

He used to smile at me on Christmas.

It was just a Christmas thing, he would get me whatever amazing thing his family could afford that I would scoff at… but every Christmas morning as he handed me the present he would smile at me, a genuine kind smile that showed that he likes being with me, even if he's just a wall of meat I use for intimidation. I still have all the presents they've given me, my parents just don't know it's from him and if they did then they would probably trash the gifts. My friend is dead and they wouldn't bat an eye getting rid of the poor trinkets. But I protected them and kept these things safe, knowing that they're important to me. Everything he did is now important to me.

He also had a thing for Crab cakes. The irony was not lost on me but apparently he was so used to eating and loving Crab cakes that he often forgot he shared the same name as the pastry. It was funny and used to make me smile when I saw him stuffing his face with a few. It was an easy Christmas present to get him and my father wasn't suspicious in the slightest. He thought that a mere pastry for Christmas was my lack of thought for the two but it was the opposite, and I gladly never corrected him.

But on Christmas I didn't get a smile from Crabbe or smile in return at his antics.

I had been too busy pretending…

Like always.

When I got to the Great Hall, I wished I had stayed in bed today instead of getting out. Fireworks were exploding at regular intervals but apparently there had been a silencing charm put on them so it was just the pretty colors everyone saw instead of having to listen to the loud explosions as well. Streamers were falling down and showing scenes from the battle from last year including the fighting furniture, and the feast was even better than at Halloween. I ignored all the excitement and instead sat down across from Pansy. Blaise and Goyle weren't anywhere to be seen so I knew they were lucky enough to be in bed.

"Apparently they want the Slytherin versus Gryffindor match to always be the last Quidditch match from now on instead of first because of the whole Harry Potter (Gryffindor) against Voldemort (Slytherin) its rubbish isn't it?" Pansy asked looking as though she just wanted any attention she could get from me. I nodded but didn't say anything more until I saw some cold crab cakes on the table. Smirking to myself I grabbed one.

None of the other tables seemed to have any and the crab cakes on our table were right in front of my plate. Perhaps someone told a house elf about today… but who would have known about crab cakes? Goyle is too stupid to know where the kitchen is and Blaise never really hung around us during Christmas. Ignoring all the stupid thoughts that flashed through my brain I just took a bite and smiled a real genuine smile.

That's when I used a napkin to spit it back out, I hate crab cake. Someone's laughter rang a little too loudly, glancing up I saw Harry Potter staring at me with the biggest smile on his face as he covered his mouth with his hand. Great… of course he would see me at such a moment. I blushed lightly though knowing full well that it probably looked humorous, especially if someone has crude taste, like Potter. Blaise and Goyle opened the doors to the Great Hall and almost immediately turned around and left. I couldn't blame them but I couldn't leave them without at least showing them that I don't like this either.

Grabbing a couple crab cakes I walked swiftly out of the hall. Tonight they are supposed to list all the names of the people who died last year, first saying all the heroes and then the villains. I've been told that Crabbe's name will not be mentioned. I had merely nodded at this and then went on my way, unable to care about it as much as they obviously do. Those people who died… it doesn't matter to me at all if no one is willing to admit that Crabbe died too. Sure he was being a moron and of course I tried to stop him but even so… he should be mentioned, even if no one but the ones who knew him mourns Crabbe's death. McGonagall should at least have the heart to mention his name, at least in passing.

"Blaise and Goyle," I called lazily as the doors shut behind me. The two turned around from farther up the hall and looked at me curiously, as though not knowing why I would come out to see them. I tossed Blaise and Goyle their crab cake and held the last one in my hand. "Crab cake for Crabbe." I said blankly and held mine up, trying to ignore the pain in my chest. They held theirs up and together we all took a bite and ate it in silence. Goyle was crying again as Blaise just trembled, but they were both wolfing the cake down. I took two more bites before shoving the rest of the disgusting pastry down my throat.

"Thank you, Malfoy." Blaise said softly with a nod, still looking sickeningly pale. He knew Crabbe, even if it wasn't as well as we did. Slytherins stick together and we are always true friends, unlike the other houses. There is nothing that will separate us, not even murder. Although… death is the one thing we can't stick together and fight.

"Yeah, Draco," Goyle responded intelligently before he turned around and hurried toward the dungeons. His eyes were blotchy and a bit swollen from the tears; I wouldn't leave the common room either. Blaise just stood there in silence before walking up to me.

"I was given a letter today from someone, it just told me to make today different in a way that would commemorate Crabbe. Goyle was the one who told me about the crab cake, so I went to the kitchens to make sure you had some near you. Someone else in this castle misses Crabbe too." He said softly as he eyed the corridor warily. I just glared at him. What the hell did he think this information was going to do for me? Honestly! I'm not going to bow down and thank some stranger for not minding his own damn business.

"So you took the advice of a stranger? We are not supposed to be pitied, Zabini. We are purebloods and rich as well, even with the shame to our names we should not have to stoop so low." I growled but he just frowned at me with a pitying expression. I don't like that look on his face. Clenching my fists I scowled and tried not to let it intimidate me. That look was like a parent looking at his/her child going on about their perfect coming future. It was not one that I feel I deserve under the circumstances because I am right. We still have our pride and should not be relying on some lowly stranger for this.

"Draco… we've fallen. All of us are just shadows of what we used to be, our names mean nothing anymore except dirt. We're so low that it's almost a blessing that someone would stoop this low to help _us_. Stop acting like it's before the war, Draco. Time is still going, even though Crabbe and Severus are dead. Just deal with it." Blaise retorted angrily and shoved past me. Watching him go, I couldn't help but notice how tall he's gotten, and how wide his shoulders are. Blaise became a man sometime when I wasn't watching. He grew up and left me behind somewhere. What the hell am I supposed to do? We were supposed to be better than this… we _were_ always better than this. My eyes widened before I turned around and ran down to Severus' old supply closet.

I'm going to make a Euphoria Potion, one that makes sure that I am happy today, and that nothing can bring me down. It's a forbidden potion but many are. This potion was one that Snape made sure to teach me in case I might need it one day. This day is as good as any to use it on myself, especially with the way that… I just found out that I'm as low as dirt. The moment you rely on a stranger is the moment you die. My father taught me that. Taking a deep breath I gathered the ingredients from the potions book he had left behind in the closet. It should only take me two hours and since there are no classes due to this being a holiday… no one should disturb me.

Ice spread through me from my finger tips on the ingredients page to my head that was filling to the brim with cold air. I knew today would be a terrible day, that was obvious and now I have to face up to that fact, I can't just hide like Goyle and I can't accept it like Blaise. I have to force myself to deal through potions… Snape… Crabbe… what about me? I should have died… I did so much more than them… I deserve so much worse than what they were given. Maybe, it's the ones left behind that we should pity. But that doesn't matter… I just…

I just have to be okay…


	4. A Small Victory

My birthday was yesterday and I wish I could say I enjoyed it... too much chores the next day and not enough doing what I liked on my birthday. But I finished the 6th Chapter of A Man at the Crossroads on my special day so I guess something went right. I left it at a bit of a cliff hanger and I'm sorry about this one. But I hope to have the next chapter done by Wens. if I can. If not then... I'm sorry.

* * *

><p>Chapter 4<p>

_"You're dead, Potter."_

_"Funny, you would think I'd stop walking around…"_

* * *

><p>"I doubt Slughorn offers extra credit to kids who aren't in the Slug Club." A voice said from behind me as I stirred the bubbly yellow potion. I wiped the sweat from my brow and ignored him until Potter came up behind me and placed a hand on my shoulder. "Just stop." He whispered softly. I shook my head furiously and continued to stir harder and rougher until it was turning a lime green. Great…<p>

"Look what you made me do!" I shouted but it came out as more of a cry. Burying my face in my arms beside the cauldron I began to tremble trying desperately to get a hold of myself. Severus would be so disappointed in me if he saw how badly I screwed this up! It's a simple pick me up potion! There's nothing remotely difficult in that! Arms wrapped around my waist as Potter placed his chin on my shoulder.

"What kind of Potion is this?" He asked softly making me look up at the potion before shoving him off of me. I leaned forward and whispered a spell softly to myself causing the potion to be the color it is meant to be once more.

"It's a simple 'Euphoria Potion,' it will cause the drinker to be happy for an hour. This is pure happiness; no one can possibly do anything to make the drinker be anything other than incredibly happy. Simple, dull, and obviously anyone could have figured it out." I said blandly before grabbed several vials out of my robe pockets and filled them up with the ecstatic yellow liquid.

He needs to get out of here and stop bothering me, I'm not one of his swooning fangirls and I don't need him to even consider making me into one. I'm just a guy who needs a little pick me up, nothing going on here that should warrant the Chosen One's attention. If he just backs the fuck off then… I should be fine. I will be fine. I just need him to stop bothering with me.

"Need something to get you through the day? That's cheating… they deserve better." He murmured making me scowl and look at him. That's when I nearly dropped the vials in shock. Potter's eyes were red with exhaustion and there were dark bags around them. His skin seemed paler than any I'd ever seen and his expression looked mournful.

"I know they deserve better, but you don't. You deserve someone like me don't you Potter?" I snarled but he just smiled softly and shook his head. This made me freeze completely stunned that he would reject me so outright. I'm not even interested in the guy but even so… I've been rejected.

"No, you're a bit too good for me, Draco." He smiled and then stood up to leave. I blinked hard then waited till I heard the door shut behind him on his way out. More pain began to stir from within me and I knew somehow that I wouldn't be able to handle this much… it's just too much. I'm going to explode! The pain is going to kill me! Why the fucking hell did they leave me all alone?

Chugging down one of the drinks it immediately erased all the tears that were forming in my eyes. A wide smirk crossed over my lips as I left the dungeons to go back to the Great Hall. I'm really hungry! Those crab cakes were pure shit! "Malfoy, you're going to the Great Hall? Most everyone is gone!" Pansy cried but I just flashed a smile and waltzed right in to have a bit of a late breakfast. They had some cold breakfast crepes that I took to immediately.

"Mr. Malfoy, if you would like I could just briefly mention your friend before I start the heroes who died and then villains, that way he is not labeled as either one." McGonagall informed me with a nervous look on her face, as though she's not truly sure if she should be doing this. I just grinned and nodded as I had some pumpkin juice. "Are you alright, Mr. Malfoy?" She questioned making me smirk up at her.

"I don't think I'm all _right_ but some _right_ ought to do it. Yeah, I've at least got some right in me, if not then I've got just a little. But I'm better than my parents at any rate. That's why you're offering this right? Oh look a pun!" I grinned causing her eyes to narrow slightly before she called Slughorn over to have a look at me.

"It's just the work of a Euphoria Potion, Minerva." He said with a nod and a smile. Ruffling my hair he then beamed down at me. "Great job you did there, my boy! Splendid job indeed! If there wasn't that issue of your past and your parents' past then I would sign you up for the Slug Club on the spot! But sadly your past does leave me in a bit of a predicament…" He sighed. "Oh well!" I watched him go before taking another bite of my crepe. The Great Hall was mostly empty now except for McGonagall, and of course Slughorn's retreating form. She sat down beside me then, looking grave.

"Mr. Malfoy… potions can't fix everything. Crabbe and Severus are still dead and no amount of 'Euphoria Potion' will bring them back to life. It's an illusion of happiness, Mr. Malfoy. It is not the real thing. True happiness comes from the joy of life not being quite as bad as it could be. That's the way true happiness is, and this isn't it. Being happy over every little thing and being unable to get even a little sad? I thought you were stronger than this, Mr. Malfoy. I thought you were stronger than your parents. I guess I was wrong." She said in a soft voice that rang with conviction and passion. She must have tried this too or known someone who has.

I stood up and smiled at her before sticking my tongue out. "If I ever want to hear the advice of an ugly old hag I'll let you know." I sneered but my expression was too light to let it be seen easily. She just sighed and buried her face in her palms as I left. With my stomach full I decided to go find the others on my team so that we can go ahead and have practice today. Might as well since everyone will be too busy celebrating to be thinking about practice, and no way will Harry Potter bring his team to the pitch since they'll be too busy remembering the old team members who died last year. I heard Oliver Wood is coming by to this last game.

Seems like a dream now…

When I got to the pitch later that day, we practiced religiously, using every bit of advice that Marcus left for me. He was a bastard but one hell of a strategist. Everyone seemed to be trying their best today, and no one complained once about how long the practice went for, even when it went past lunch. An elf came by and dropped off food and drink but no one even hinted at going to the Great Hall. The excuse to stay on the pitch was too great. When I ended practice an hour before dinner, I was a bit surprised at the positive feedback.

"This was the first real Quidditch practice we've had!" I heard a girl whisper to the Crabbe replacement. I ignored them both and hung back with Blaise and Goyle who were taking off their gear. The practice has been over ten minutes but it looks like no one wants to leave just yet. With all the celebration and 'I hate Slytherin' banners flying around, it was only natural why this bunch would want to stay here.

"You've gotten better, Goyle." Blaise grinned and patted his friend on the shoulder. Goyle just looked at him with blank dark eyes before frowning and looking away.

"Better than Crabbe was?" He asked causing everyone to shut up and look over at them. This is the first time anyone here has mentioned Crabbe. Standing up from my seat on one of the benches I made sure everyone's eyes were on me. My team sat down and waited for me to speak with a morbid air around everyone, it was as though they were all just waiting for the yelling that most would assume I'd do. A part of me just wanted to chug down another vial of Euphoria Potion but I can't have any for this.

"Slytherin isn't bad. Severus Snape is and always will be one of the best Headmaster's this school has ever had because he was helping in the effort to defeat the dark lord. Most of the people on Voldemort's side were scared or just crazy. This is no excuse but it does show that we aren't all bad. I was on Voldemort's side to protect my father and mother; I had no qualms with Bellatrix dying. Crabbe did something stupid and he died. He didn't die doing anything heroic or amazing, no he died fighting on the wrong side for the wrong reasons… but I still miss him. Despite almost everyone's beliefs, he was my friend and I'm ashamed of this world for their treatment of us, the kids who were forced into that world. A year ago one of my best friends and my godfather died at this school. Severus didn't die heroically but he has a plaque.

"Voldemort wanted power and Severus wanted the love of his life. Crabbe was a fool who wanted to be leader when he'd been a follower for such a long time. But even so… these two were Slytherin. Crabbe's last moments were him trying to prove himself to someone he thought would complete him in a way his friends couldn't, this was brave. He reached out for something he'd never been able to touch; it's not his fault he was reaching in the dark. Severus died trying to convince Voldemort to let him go find Potter, in order to help him. Sadly Voldemort just wanted to kill him in order to gain control of the Elder wand's power. It didn't work. Two Slytherins did something that not many others could ever say they have done. We should be proud to be Slytherin… because when you're in Slytherin, this is where you find your true friends. Remember? That's what the hat says every year." I said making them all look at me with shocked expressions before clapping.

When I left the locker room I ran into Potter who looked a bit better than earlier, but it was obvious he had heard my speech. "You're right. There's nothing wrong with being in Slytherin. The students are just being prejudiced, but that's alright, they can be idiots as long as there are some smart people at school right?" He asked me with a smile. It looked a little forced though.

"You miss Severus, don't you?" I asked making him flinch for a second before turning around and looking at me with a fiery gaze. He glanced over at the plaque by the Whomping Willow then clenched his fists so tightly they bled.

"Never gave him a chance, and now it's too late." He growled angrily. I could practically see the heat waves coming off his skin. Something about that fiery look in his eye made me want to help. Snape wasn't a nice guy. But he meant a lot to everyone, even without their realizing it. He was the reason this world has lasted so long. So maybe... I should tell Harry something, to give him a chance to know the creep a little better.

"He likes bitter foods, and loves lemons. Anything with lemon in it is something he likes. Severus was a good friend to my parents and a good godfather to me even when I was being foolish. His favorite animal is a doe but he doesn't like it when people find out. He nearly took my head off when I saw a picture of a really beautiful one in his study." I said this quickly, wanting to get this over with while telling him all of the trivial things most don't know. Harry Potter just nodded and then smiled softly.

"He was in love with my mom… she was an Animagus, she turned into a doe. His patronus is a doe as well. Severus has been protecting me because of my mom's blood and the bit of her personality I have." He answered with a smile of his own. It was as though he wanted to share something with me as well. But I don't want to know. Why the hell would I want to know? He's gone! He's dead! I could do nothing for him or anyone else for that matter! He's gone! I took in a couple shaky breaths and stared at Potter. Before I knew what was happening, Harry Potter, the Wizarding World's Savior, **placed a chaste kiss** on my lips and then turned around and walked away quickly. My lips burned but for some reason I couldn't bring myself to care. Instead I watched him go and remembered what my father taught me a very long time ago.

I'm not supposed to marry for love; I'm only supposed to marry for social standing and purity. That is all. My mother and father grew to love each other and then they loved and cherished me. I could try growing to love Pansy with her clean social standing (her family stayed out of the war somehow) and her purity in blood, or I could allow myself to love Harry Potter with his hero status and purity of heart. I could do this but I don't deserve him. It's sick and twisted for a puppet to even consider being with him, but I will if my parents hear of it and I won't stop until I have him. He kissed _me_. And my parents' wishes come first.

I don't love Harry Potter, but I could, and I daresay my family would want me to.

But must I always stay a puppet?

When the game began to take place two weeks later, none of us said a word to each other. The whole team seemed frightened, almost pale as death, waiting for this match to be over when it hasn't even started. But then again... it's not hard to figure out why. I, held onto my broomstick so tightly that my knuckles turned white and my hands numb. Today is not a very good day.

The crowd was cheering and roaring with excitement, but the cruelest thing in the world was the simple fact that the only people on the Slytherin stands were actual Slytherins. No past players have come to watch, no parents, and the only teacher on that side would be Slughorn, who appeared to want to be on the other side as well. It was pathetic and cruel how much everyone seemed to blame us but I knew that my team had to win no matter what. When the game started I immediately began my search for the snitch just as Blaise scored a goal for my team. I've already informed everyone that we must not cheat at all today; we have to show them that we're good. We _aren't_ bad. We're just kids after all.

I saw a glint of gold and dived for it, Potter must be distracted or something because it took him almost ten seconds to realize I was diving for the snitch. He raced after me with a determined look on his face but it was obvious I'm going to win. Blaise and the new girl scored another goal for us making the Slytherins cheer, but they were barely heard over all the booing. Reaching out my hand I felt my insides freeze in anticipation of finally catching the snitch.

It's so beautiful with its cold gold coloring and the intricate designs on the sphere, the ball's pretty gold wings beating rapidly to make it swift and almost uncatchable to anyone but a trained seeker. I've been waiting my whole life to be the one to do this and now I'm finally going to be able to, with or without my parents being here to witness it. The dive down was steep and the wind seemed ready to dry out my eyes if they didn't rip them from my sockets first. That didn't matter though, all that did was the fact that I'm close... and I've never even been close.

I smirked smugly and held my hand out as far as I could, the wind blowing my hair in a messy tangle of blond locks. All cheering and voices stopped suddenly. The world itself seemed to go quiet in shock. I landed heavily on the ground, my leg feeling distorted and odd but I ignored it and held up the beautiful golden ball that was held firmly in my grasp. Harry Potter landed beside me with a grin on his pale face as he patted my back and pulled me up so everyone could see that I have the snitch. Everyone seemed to be stumped as to why the Golden Boy would be happy for me to win, but that didn't keep the Slytherin House from cheering for me. I frowned suddenly and looked over at him with my busted leg lying dead on the grass on the grass.

"Did you let me..?" I asked in a choked whisper but he just shook his head with his eyes wide.

"I didn't, in fact I was feeling bad since I knew I was going to win when you looked like a wreck trying to get it. Draco, you looked so happy it almost killed me to take it from you, but the snitch swerved making me almost crash but you stayed on it and won. Sadly my broom knocked into yours making you fall but hey, you won. Great job," He cheered and patted my back as a stretcher came for me along with my teammates.

"That was amazing!" Blaise cried while Goyle lifted me onto the stretcher to go to the Hospital wing. Blaise was too busy blubbering and telling anyone near us exactly how I did it, somehow involving a fight with Potter and several bludgers trying to take my head off. I didn't mind all the bragging though. I felt even better than when I used the Euphoria potion.

Someone apparently decided to write an owl to my parents because that night as my leg was being reconstructed (apparently I had ripped a few tendons when I broke some of my bones) I had received a letter of congratulations; apparently I had exceeded their expectations of me.

Mother wanted to make sure that Madam Pomfrey is doing her job well and father wanted to emphasize the need for me to bring my status up. Sighing to myself I replied as briefly as I could.

_Dear Mother and Father,_

_Madam Pomfrey is making this painless and a lot better than I thought she could. Yes I am trying to bring up our status and I believe a friendship with Harry Potter is on the way. There will probably be a picture in tomorrow's paper with Harry Potter patting my back as he smiled at my victory. We have been hanging out together some and I do believe we will be well off soon enough._

_Sincerely,_

_Draco._

I glared at the letter and sent it knowing it was complete and total bull. Of course I stated the facts but I said it in such a way that implied that Potter and I are actually acting like friends. Not really. The talk about Severus was probably one of the longest conversation we've ever had. But I doubt it will go on for much longer. School will be ending soon and then he'll be off to be an Auror in training and I will just be a Potions shop owner. Father will probably build a store in Hogsmeade and I'll make that my place of residence and work. I won't go in the Ministry because that will just make us seem power hungry, being a humble Potion store owner is a much better idea for making my family seem relatively harmless.

I heard the door to the Hospital wing open quietly making me curious, who would sneak in here after hours? Besides it's around the time Filch and prefects are stalking the corridors looking for troublemakers. Of course I had forgotten the one person who never seems to get caught. Looking up I smirked widely at a nervous student who looked about ready to throw up, but still managed to stand straight and tall in an attempt to look calm. Brave little fool.

"Hello Potter, what can I do for you this evening?"


	5. Unwanted Desire

Life has been good.

* * *

><p>Chapter 5<p>

_"You're dead, Potter."_

_"Funny, you would think I'd stop walking around…"_

* * *

><p>I looked at Potter expectantly as he just glared down at his shoes; his eyes were like green dancing flames from the glare of the moonlight. Finally he looked up at me and took a deep breath. "Draco, I think I might have a bit of a problem." He informed me and then bit his lip as though not really sure whether or not he should tell his former enemy about this <em>problem<em>. My father would be delighted of course, saying that Potter would be the best kind of trophy for us. I, on the other hand, think he's a bit too bigheaded to make him such an important artifact.

"What is your problem, Potter? Or is there too many to distinguish from? I know you have a hero complex, are gay and unable to handle girls, have abandonment issues, and are very possibly attracted to your old enemy. Now which problem are you talking about?" I asked in a polite tone causing him to flush before lunging for me. That's when we both heard a sound from Madam Pomfrey's room making us freeze until the sound died away. I was grateful… because I wasn't sure if just getting to touch me, even in a violent manner, would get Potter off. It's disgusting.

"My problem is that I want to be a teacher at this school but the whole world wants me to be Minister or an Auror or anything in the Ministry." He hissed looking a little embarrassed but I couldn't help but smile at that. He's human. Merlin, this boy is absolutely human. Maybe he's human enough to be like me… maybe.

"Why do you want to be a teacher?" I asked curiously, he could have whatever he wanted in this world and everyone would rush to get it to him free of charge, and yet he just wants to work at this school. Granted this school is a home for me. A home where I can have hours of freedom instead of small little moments when no one is looking, but for Potter it must be an even better home for him. It's no secret that his Muggle family mistreats him. He always comes to school with yellowing bruises that are just beginning to heal and he's always too thin to be healthy. At the end of the school year he looks like a normal boy with pretty much no bruises or scars (unless he was off being a hero which is pretty much every year), only to go back home and get more. This IS his home.

"This is my home. Besides, I'm pretty sure I can keep the Defense Against the Dark Arts job a lot longer than anyone else; I have no intention of leaving. I know the school even better than Fred and George, and I like the idea of a normal year at Hogwarts. This year has been a lot of fun." He grinned making me smile softly to myself.

"Well if you teach here then you can see me. I'm going to own a Potions shop down in Hogsmeade. Severus was my private tutor ever since I was five so I've always known how to brew potions; I'm much better than any potions master I've ever seen except for Severus." I boasted with a smirk on my lips. He just grinned and nodded, which made my smirk fade slightly. Why is he allowing this? He never usually does.

"I'm looking forward to that; you've always been one of the best. Hermione is just a little odd… she's good at everything." He laughed but it sounded rather bitter, or maybe I just wanted him to be more upset than me. Sitting down beside me in a position that's either great for strangling or amazing for making out, he smirked down at me. "You don't seem upset that I'm here, even after I kissed you." He informed making me glance over at him warily.

"I haven't thought about it much, to be honest." I replied with a tired sigh. It's true and now he's brought it up once again. It's annoying but I don't mind at the moment. It's not like he's confessing his love or anything. Harry Potter is simply stating a fact that he had noticed, it was just something that seemed odd to him. This is perfectly normal and frankly it is beginning to get on my nerves. Does he want some sort of reaction from me?

"Sure, your enemy kisses you and you don't bother to think much about it. It makes perfect sense." Potter said but he said it in such a way that held no sarcasm or ill meaning. It was said as though he thought this made perfect sense. "You don't seem to be leaning towards girls or guys and you seem more like a shell lately rather than an actual person. My kiss didn't seem to do anything to change that but the Euphoria Potion and this win did, and I guess I can live with that." He smiled, but it was bitter as he turned around to leave. I stared at him in shock then sat up swiftly.

"What do you mean? Did you want me to be happy about it?" I asked him softly, almost scared of the answer. If he really did want me to feel moved or something by it then he was sadly mistaken, but what does he mean 'I guess I can live with that?' Potter's eyes flashed a brilliant fiery green that warmed my stomach and heated my core.

"I can handle you not liking me like that, especially if something else can make you happier than I can." He informed me letting me see something that scared me more than Merlin himself. Potter looks like he's telling the truth; I can see it in his eyes. He loves me… the Chosen One loves a vile traitor. How sick is that? And yet… it's pulling me in. I want him to, I like that he does…

But no, I can't do it.

He's a hero, and I'm just the creep who chose the wrong side.

Falling asleep that night was like shoving yourself into cold water and trying to breathe. It wasn't possible but also… comforting in a way. It made you feel like this is real, its reality and you have to deal with it. Simple, and plain, but also something that heightens the senses, I did wind up falling asleep though. The next few days weren't so simple, or comforting.

I didn't avoid him, but I didn't see Potter for days, and whenever I did either he disappeared or I had to head out to class or private lessons whenever he seemed to finally have gotten the balls to come after me. Moaning Myrtle is ignoring me which is thanks to me being a complete dick a couple weeks ago. With a sigh I realized that one week had gone by and for some reason they've felt… normal. Not cold or hot, not bad or interesting, it was just one regular week at school without the presence of Potter.

"School is going to be over in a couple weeks… and then we'll be adults." Blaise said with a look of amazement on his face. I glanced over at him then shrugged my shoulders. It's not like I really care, the future holds nothing for me, nothing that wasn't already planned last year. It'll be a long dull life that I'll be forced to live with perhaps the possibility of being killed by someone who hates Death Eaters. His eyes widened suddenly as he took a step back. "Oh… hello, I'll just leave you two alone then." Blaise frowned and looked between me and the person who apparently has randomly appeared behind me. I watched him go for a second before smirking.

"To what do I owe the honor, Potter?" I asked without turning around and began to head outside the front doors of the school. Lunch can wait, but he just grabbed hold of my wrist and stopped me before forcing me around. He dragged in the direction of the Astronomy Tower causing my palms coverin cold sweat. It was icy and made my hands clammy but I didn't care.

"I don't want this school year to end with you being apathetic towards the fact that I like you. I'm sorry but I really don't want to give up on you unless I know for a fact that I have no chance at all," Potter said softly with a determined look on his face.

"So the Chosen One is gay for sexy old me? Aw… how sick!" I laughed with a smug expression as we entered the tower. He sat down on some steps and looked me over for a moment with a serious expression.

"Why is that sick?" He asked with an amused look on his face. My jaw dropped as I stared at Harry Potter in absolute horror. Is this some kind of joke? The boy ran a finger through my hair and looked deep into my eyes. "You're very sexy, and you're brilliant as well. There's this odd sort of sarcastic charm about you, I bet it's just your sharp tongue, but it makes me want to hear every word that comes out of that mouth. You're cold and sometimes even frozen but I think I like that too, it brings me down to earth. I like you Draco. I really do." Potter said softly, his dark hair playing over his dancing green eyes.

I shoved myself away from him and paled in horror. There's no way this can be true! He can't be doing this or saying this or anything! It's just sick and wrong and horrible! "You can't! You're the Boy-Who-Bloody-Lived! It isn't possible for you to like a former enemy! It has to be breaking several rules or something!" I cried, becoming panicked as my blood turned to ice and my eyes stayed wide. He just smirked. He doesn't seem to understand… how the fuck am I supposed to make him understand? If he pursues this then I will have to be with him… and I don't want to be!

"Yes but if I'm as amazing as you make me seem then I can just change the rules, now can't I?" Potter asked with a wide smile on his face. I ignored him, no longer liking the boy at all. He's got some nerve confessing all this to me and making it seem like everything will be all fine and dandy if we end up together. That's impossible after all. No one will accept us. I'm not _normal_ or _good_ or _fine_ or _okay_, all I am is someone who's no longer evil and is now working towards being a boring cold puppet. That's all I am and all I shall be, but now Potter is here. This isn't right and it's not fair! I shouldn't be thinking about this! I don't even like him!

"I hate you, we could never work out." I hissed, feeling all the ideals of my father and mother pushing themselves upon me, making my words come out perfectly. I have to end this and if I have to then I shall do it as the puppet that I am. Strings along my arms made me push up off of the floor and soon I was moving forward with the grace and agility given to me by my puppet master. I stared icily at Potter with my hand on the doorknob. "I can't do this." I informed him softly and then left.

The world is cold and heartless and cruel. Everyone has a puppet master who controls them until it is time for us to be on our own, in which we wind up doing exactly as our puppet master would have us do. I have my parents, Potter had Dumbledore and now… now I have to do this. It could be sweet in a way, having someone fawn over me and adore my very presence. But it would go against everything in my name and I cannot have that. It's not right and not fair but life isn't fair. This world isn't fair and I just have to deal with it.

I don't love Harry James Potter, but I am interested in his flame and how he's just so damn human. I'm intrigued by that, but I will not be able to accept him. If I do then I must give up everything. I must afford the Potions store on my own; I must deal with isolation and the whole world hating me even worse than they do now. I will probably lose both Goyle and Blaise, and it is very likely that I will cause Potter a lot of pain and suffering thanks to bad press and no one understanding.

The world will hate their savior…

So I can't do it.

The next morning was quiet. No one wanted to bother with me which is fine. It's not like I won our most important Quidditch game or anything. No, nothing like that. Blaise and Goyle seemed busy every time I saw them, people wanted their time and they seemed happy to give it. Everyone wanted to make sure that they wouldn't lose contact with anyone because… contacts with each other will be important from now on. It's more of a precaution in case someone gets attacked than anything though. When I got back to the dorm room I was surprised to see everyone's trunks full.

Everyone had already begun packing but I am waiting to do so. I don't want to leave, and yet I'm going to have to in order to grow up and be a man. Standing in the empty room for a second longer, I looked at my trunk and sighed softly before heading over and following my classmates' example. My hands were trembling as I packed my things but since I was alone I didn't bother to force them to be steady. The future is the scariest thing I've ever come across other than the idea that Harry Potter may be in love with me. It's scary but something I'm going to have to face, both that and the future itself.

I don't know why it's so terrifying, my life is all laid out for me and all I have to do is just go through the motions, I don't even have to try. Father will be sending me everything I need and from there I will be working on simply maintaining the shop and making a profit. That is all I will need to do; Stress Antidotes for students who are overworking themselves, Euphoria potions will be limited to only one sold every two months, Luck will be a prize given to a customer who has purchased a thousand galleons worth of potions. It'll be a dull way of life that I will accept because I'm supposed to. My mind flashed to Potter but I shut those thoughts down immediately.

"Hey Malfoy, are you still packing?" A voice called making me pause and compose myself before turning to the dorm entrance. That's when Blaise and Goyle walked in looking bored and a little excited somehow, although the combination doesn't make any sense. Blaise's eyes were wide when he noticed the little amount of packing I'd done but Goyle just walked over and started to help me, albeit messily. I nodded towards him, making sure to keep my smile inside. My stomach felt like a block of ice but I ignored it and continued to pack with cold sweat along my arms as well now. The little world I've made for myself is going… and soon it will be gone completely. All these years of being a student and now after this one I won't be, I'll be an adult.

We packed in silence until I was finally finished. "I'm hungry." Goyle informed us and then turned around to leave, but he waited for me to leave the dorm first making me frown. Where is he going after this? What will he be? Does… does he have the ability to replace me as his leader? I shut off my mind once more and made my way to the Great Hall. Students were chatting excitedly and eating away but to my surprise and anguish, Harry Potter was waiting for me by the Great Hall entrance doors on the inside so I couldn't run away without bumping into Blaise and Goyle.

"Leave me alone." I hissed and went around him to my table. He just followed with a smirk on his face, seemingly amused at the situation. I ignored him as best I could but it was hard with all the stares. Harry Potter isn't supposed to be at the _Slytherin_ table, and he's not _supposed_ to be talking to _me_. It just makes no sense and is probably one of the worst things he could do for his social standing… except maybe going out with me.

"Hey Draco, do you want to eat lunch together?" I blinked up at him in surprise, wait… how long has he been using my first name? It never really caught my attention until he just used it in front of everyone at my table, but when did he suddenly change? The others seemed to notice the name change as well and began to whisper excitedly. It wasn't like in some drama where everyone was watching, teachers and ghosts included. No, only about thirty people noticed and around ten seemed to be making rumors while the others watched entranced. It wasn't as big as I would have preferred. Maybe if its big enough then I can breathe and escape. Some of the people around me who have been clingy all year had gasped aloud in shock. These people of lower stature have the gall to be able to show their emotions so freely in front of this hero? It's pathetic, and sick, but even so my voice couldn't work and my body refused to move. Where is my puppet master? Why can't he help me?

"No thank you, Potter." I said curtly, my voice slightly stiff but it came out well enough with a dry cold mouth and a clenching throat. He just frowned and then sighed dramatically before collapsing in the seat beside me, looking at me with wide sad puppy eyes that looked fairly odd on him. That's when he leaned forward so that his lips were near my ear.

"Just a few more days till your dad makes sure you have the perfect life… before we get out of Hogwarts I'll make sure you choose an imperfect life with me instead." He smirked making me back away and glare. Why can't he just understand that I don't want to ruin his life? His entire world would turn upside down and he'd lose everything! I don't even give a damn about what I'll lose because nothing is important to me anymore. I cannot allow anything to be and yet he's willing to just throw it all away on some stupid whim? How ridiculous is that? He just doesn't understand the way this world works, and I don't want to be the one to teach him.

Closing my eyes tightly I then took a deep breath before standing up and leaving the room. I can't handle this. How can he be so… so stupid? Isn't there a limit to how stupid a person can be? I thought there was one at least, somewhere between falling off a bridge and destroying the world while that person is still on it. Reality is cold and harsh and cruel and wrong and yet he's acting like the whole damn world is just going to accept it all! Or… maybe he's not.

He said that our life together would be imperfect… so he must know, to at least some extent, just how unfair this world truly is. It's always going to be unfair and that's just fine because maybe in my moment of losing everything in the world… maybe it'll allow me to steal something good out of the hatred and malice and misery. I may be able to steal something that can make the two of us happy…

But I don't love him.


	6. He Didn't Show

_"You're dead, Potter."_

_"Funny, you would think I'd stop walking around…"_

I'll be heading home tomorrow, but I've made sure to steer clear of Potter. If he keeps this up then I may just bend to his will and may ruin both of us. Sighing to myself I turned away from the Astronomy Tower window and found myself face to face with Potter. "Go out with me." He said in a serious voice.

"Sure," I responded without thinking. My eyes widened and I took a step back, pressing myself against the window, oh damn. I took several deep breaths and then forced myself to leave the tower one step at a time but he managed to follow me looking a bit smug and extremely happy. How the hell am I supposed to hurt that smiling face of his? It makes no sense! How am I supposed to do that, exactly?

"What made you say yes?" Potter asked smugly causing me to curse under my breath as I walked even faster, hoping to lose my new 'boyfriend.' He just ran forward and hurried alongside me. Scowling I tried to think of the bluntest way to say it.

"I wasn't thinking." I explained but he just laughed and his grin widened.

"So you wanted me so bad it was a subconscious decision?" He smirked but I just let out an exasperated cry and ran to the dungeons knowing the Slytherins there will protect me. Potter followed looking too happy for words, but apparently he wasn't lacking them. "This is amazing! I didn't this it would actually work. But have you been thinking of me like I've been thinking of you?" He asked then stopped and frowned. "Nah, I kind of doubt it. You don't seem like the type."

"I'm sorry but it was a mistake. I screwed up okay! I'm not your boyfriend!" I growled but for some reason as soon as I said them I stopped myself and placed a hand on his shoulder. "This can't work."

Potter's eyes were narrowed and he looked ready to kill but at the same time there was a bitter edge to it.

"I can make it work, I can tell the world to go screw itself and I can ignore all the publicity and gossip. I can do it for you, Draco. Everything I want to do I can do for you." He smiled softly and reached a hand out towards me. "All you have to do is let me." It won't be that simple, life is never that simple. Potter could cut my strings, and he could warm up my frozen soul. It would probably be like breathing to someone as incredible as him. But I don't love Potter, although I do like him more than any other suitor I know of. This isn't something we can just try and if it doesn't work just end it. This is something we have to stick with. Taking his hand slowly I scowled.

"If you need help making this work then just let me know, you shouldn't be doing everything on your own like some damn hero. You're just a human, Potter. That's all you are." I informed him in a bored tone but he just looked at me in shock before grinning widely.

"This is going to work! I know it will! I can make sure of it, with your help of course! Oh man this is so brilliant!" Harry cheered and then dragged me toward the dungeons. "Okay so after school is over and your parents buy you the store I want you to wait for me to contact you okay? It shouldn't be long; I just have to secure my position as the Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher."

I nodded slowly and ran a hand through my white-blond hair. "Then I will wait for you." I agreed just as we reached the entrance to the Slytherin common room. I turned around to see him smiling at me. Leaning forward he pressed his lips against mine and smirked lightly into the kiss.

"Thank you for saying yes." He whispered then kissed my cheek and left. I glared after his form, still not understanding how the hell this happened, but when I felt something inside of me… something that seemed to be freed a little… that made me give a real genuine smile. My fingers traced along the silk of my robes, tomorrow I'll be dressed in the finest of clothing for a Potions Master. Then soon after I'll be with Potter… no, I'm going to be with Harry.

I walked into the common room and accepted a butterbeer tossed my way by a fellow Slytherin. "We'll be adults as of tomorrow! Finally able to get a job and be productive and stuff," Blaise laughed holding something that looked suspiciously like Firewhisky. I nodded and smiled before walking past his shocked form towards Goyle who looked depressed as he gazed out the window.

"He won't ever be an adult. Died when he was sixteen after all," Goyle grunted with shiny eyes. I nodded for a moment and then pat his shoulder.

"If you ever want to talk or hang out then just drop by Hogsmeade and visit me, okay?" I said, actually meaning it. "We should be friends like we were before we went to Hogwarts. I liked it better back then, didn't you?" I asked making him nod as he choked back something.

The common room is actually pretty quiet for a last night. It helps that not many of us are here. Too much bad press, too many people made to be villains, and too many shattered dreams. But mine are just forming.

"You're acting different, like you did when you used to care about shit. What changed you?" He grumbled but looked a bit pleased about my sudden "change," then again he may just be hungry. I shrugged my shoulders but I couldn't hide a grin that fighting to get free. I'm happy right now. Nothing anyone can say or guess will change that. I'm just happy and with good reason.

"I don't know… maybe it's my new boyfriend." He just nodded as though it makes perfect sense, I didn't care that he didn't really have a reaction about the news but I did look out the window with him, waiting for a new day to begin.

The next day everyone rushed around trying to get all their goodbyes in, but I was just walking through the halls outside in the grounds with a peaceful air around me. I like this, this feeling of everything beginning to change. It really is and soon I'm going to be off somewhere doing something with my life and it's all going to be because my strings are being cut. An owl dropped by in front of me during breakfast with a letter tied around its leg. I pulled the letter off and smirked seeing it was from my parents.

_Dear Draco,_

_I'm pleased to inform you that the land for your shop has been paid for and the building will take three days, as soon as it is finished we will bring your things to your new place but in the meantime live in the hotel in the town. You are an adult now, we will not be taking care of you after this but will give you enough money to have a good start and something to work towards._

_Make us proud._

_Sincerely,_

_Lucius and Narcissa Malfoy_

I folded the letter and then got ready to move on with my life. My parents are leaving it now, or so it seems, and I'm already beginning to work. Three days until I'll be in my own store, getting it ready to make me a living, it's all happening far too fast but this is the Malfoy way. They thrust their young into the fire and wait to see what happens with only the baby's strength and a little bit of magic knowledge to help.

"Aren't you going to be riding the train?" Blaise asked as everyone began heading in the general direction of the Hogwarts Express. I just shook my head as Harry and his friends walked by. He caught my eye and grinned making me smile in response. The sun is shining down on us all and trees are becoming green again.

"I'll be living in Hogsmeade from today on, so come visit whenever, alright?" I said with a soft expression, knowing full well that he may abandon me with everyone else soon. It shouldn't matter though, because if he's a true friend then he wouldn't and instead he'd accept what I'm about to do like everyone else in the bloody world ought to. It's terrifying though... and I hate being terrified.

"Alright then, I will, probably, eventually, maybe." Blaise joked but I just smirked and waved it off. Hogsmeade looked kind of far off from where I'm standing outside the front doors but it's not too bad, I can walk there easily and it's not like I have anything else I should be doing so I might as well head down to the restaurant. Blaise parted ways and headed off to catch up with some of his friends while I just continued on my walk. My skin felt a bit too warm with the sun glaring down at me but I could ignore it easily enough.

"Not going home, Malfoy? Does your family not love you anymore or something? Or have your parents abandoned you as soon as their little angel grew up?" Weasley laughed roughly but I just turned and smirked over at him and his friends, which of course included Potter.

"My parents would curse an angel if they ever saw one. Besides, they _do_ love me, this is just the way my family shows their love. Your family probably coddles you into the adult world, well mine just thrusts me in with a bit of money to help me start out and then they wait to see if I can handle myself, if I can't then I'm disowned." I shrugged causing his eyes to widen as I just walked on.

"Draco, I'm sorry about that, hopefully things will change soon." Harry smirked making me shrug and turn around to leave but before I could get very far my wrist was grabbed and hot breath was bathing my ear. "I can't wait…" He murmured then let me go and left with his friends. It was like something out of a dream, a sick and twisted dream where everything seemed perfect and amazing but there was an underline of horror at what the future might hold.

When I got to Hogsmeade I watched as wizards and witches were walking and laughing from shop to shop, there were a few Hogwarts students like me who no longer need schooling. When I got to the hotel I was surprised when it turned out that my luggage has already been brought in, someone must have informed McGonagall about me staying here. That just makes this convenient. Crashing on my bed I looked at the ceiling and took in a deep breath. I'm an adult now, and I'm living on my own. There's a flat that will be built above my store and everything I own and all the potion supplies Severus has given me will be at the new store as well. I'm going to be all on my own… except I won't be. I smiled softly and placed my arm over my eyes.

I'll have Harry.

Harry will be there for me when I need him, he'll be able to take care of me and make sure that I'm okay and if I'm sick he'll look after me. Harry will believe in me and take my ideas seriously! He didn't laugh when I told him what I am going to be doing with my life; he even wants to be a part of it. This makes things different, better, and maybe just a little bit… worse. If only just a little.

My palms grew cold with sweat and soon I was digging my nails into my hands. It doesn't hurt yet but it's going to, and I have to be ready. Cold and distant is the only way to save myself after all, none of the words or cruel actions will hurt me. I have to make sure of it. I'm a Malfoy… so I know how to handle hate.

Four days later and he still hasn't shown up.

Standing in the dining room I worked on making an elixir for minor injuries that tastes like chocolate frogs. It's coming out better than I had planned but not quite up to par on it's healing properties. My eyes narrowed into slits but I knew it wouldn't help since he's still not here. That's the only thing that I can't stand about this. Other than that the pay isn't too pricey and my parents have donated a very generous amount of ingredients. As soon as they arrived I immediately begun to use them in order to have several different premade potions for sale although I will be selling mostly ingredients.

I took a deep breath and then smirked lightly at the finished result. Grabbing several vials I then began to fill them up before going into the shop and putting them where they go. Three more potions and then I have to wait for an owl with some slug horns and I will be ready to open. My eyes softened when I looked around the store. All the shelves are color coded; mainly featuring colors of the school houses to show different things students and residents can buy.

It took me a long time but I had looked at other stores and how much they make their potions and ingredients cost and then I made sure to be the cheapest and have the highest quality of everything. My shop has to be the best and it must be perfect, if not then I could never hope to make it off okay when everyone finds out about Potter… if they find out.

After I was done concocting the potions I was surprised when an owl swooped in at that exact moment with a small package. "I can open! Bloody hell I can actually open!" I grinned but then scowled to myself. Just because I'm now able to open my store isn't enough for Potter to have actually missed anything in my life. No… I have to make him realize just how much he's missed while he's been taking his sweet time to visit me.

Leaving my store I walked to a pet smirked knowing how much father will be furious if I buy anything other than an owl, which means I will be buying a cat instead. The cat I chose is a mixture of grey and purple along with white, a calico apparently which means that it's a regular muggle cat. I looked into its bright blue eyes then smirked at it as the cat yowled. "You look a little funny with that stump of a tail." I murmured looking at her little stump as it wagged. "How much does she cost?" I demanded making the store owner jump and look from me to the cat with surprise.

"I didn't think she would get an owner at all… well I guess fifteen galleons will do it." He said looking a little smug. I just shrugged my shoulders and pulled out the gold from my wallet. I requested for him to bring me everything she will need along with instructions on how to take care of her, of course I did so with the promise of three gold galleons past his original price. His eyes widened as I gave him an extra gold coin for the cat before leaving, holding her in my arms. She looked up at me with an annoyed look making me smirk down at her.

"He was a bit of a bastard, wasn't he? I don't mind him overcharging me but he could have the decency to be discreet about it, otherwise any fool would know he's being a dick. Any old Slytherin can go in there and see exactly what he is." I smirked but then frowned a bit. I haven't been much of a Slytherin lately... maybe that part of me died with the war. It _hurt_ having everything I had ever known ripped from my hands. The Manor is gone, my parents are now living in France, and two important people to me are dead. Never coming back again. It's almost as though I've turned into a Gryffindor, simply living a life I never wanted to live in order to help my family. But when I looked down she started to pur in my arms making me smile softly.

"You'll do, for the time being." I informed the cat but stroked her fur just as I opened the door to my shop. She purred softly when I set her down to roam free. Once everything was set up I finally used my magic to place a sign telling everyone that my store is open. In a matter of seconds I had a customer browsing the potions and ingredients. I watched the woman warily as my cat jumped up on the counter. Stroking the fur behind her ears and watched her eyes slowly close with pleasure, but my eyes never left the woman in the corner, with her dark hair and narrowed eyes.

"You do have valerian roots don't you? Why it's only a common potion ingredient after all." The customer said in a taunting tone making me put on a polite smile my mother had taught me at the age of three and led her to the common potion ingredients area, that's literally an area I had designed for those who needed to just grab something they needed quickly without having to go through series after series of roots and weeds. She huffed lightly but I was distracted as another customer walked in, looking thoroughly impressed with my array of potions and ingredients.

"My word, this collection is spectacular! Of course I'm sure your father would see to that and made sure to that in order to avoid bad press but… did you make all of these? They look almost as good and… blimey, some appear even better than Severus Snape's work!" The wizard cried with a broad grin making my smile become more genuine as I walked over to him.

"Yes I did make these, Snape would come by my house when I was just a child in order to teach me the art of potion making. He wanted me to be ahead of the crowd, so to speak. I tried a few new things here and there and if I gather enough then I hope to make a book… but probably in a couple years when the bad press dies down." I said softly and looked away from him feeling heat rise to my face.

"Well you deserve all the press you and your family get! You are and always will be a Death Eater! You sicken me, boy. I only came by today to see what kind of monstrosity Lucius and Narcissa were concocting under the wizarding world's noses but thanks to this young man I know it already. They want you to make them seem harmless and the farthest thing from ambitious as a person can be! That way they can climb the ranks again!" She cried, her dark hair billowing around her face in angry tufts. The wizard who had spoken of me kindly earlier scowled at the witch and huffed.

"If it wasn't for this boy's mother than Potter's plan most likely would have failed. The Dark Lord had to believe he was dead after all! They have done some good and this boy was simply protecting his mother and father! Are you really going to be angry at him for that? I would have done the same thing in his shoes but a lot worse! I wouldn't have hesitated in an attempt to kill Dumbledore even though I consider the man to have been a great friend! Stop being so hard on the boy and let him live his life in peace. He's already lost everything; don't take his opening day away from him too." The wizard growled causing the witch to cry out in fury and leave the store then and there. The wizard turned to me, his blue eyes looking bitter. "I'm so sorry my dear boy; you would think people would stop reading the rubbish in the Daily Prophet. To be honest I've dropped by here every day for the past week waiting for your shop to open, and I'm glad to came today. My name is Winfrey Noptkun and I was a friend of both Dumbledore and Snape. Good luck to you, my boy. I sincerely hope you make it in this hate infested world."

I nodded at him and felt my body fill with something kind… a stranger stuck up for me because he knew my situation and cared for my godfather. Perhaps someone is telling others that I'm not all bad, that's what I need right now… to have a few supporters as I'm out here in the adult world. Of course if Harry does show up and try to date me then I will probably lose those supporters but he probably won't. It's my opening day and he's not here, and I'll be sure to make it seem as though he's missed the world while he's been off doing whatever it is he's been doing. Time doesn't stop for Potter, no matter how much everyone believes it should.

But a week into my business being open and I already have regular customers along with regular troublemakers. Doesn't matter to me in the slightest though, it's not like _he's_ here and even if he _were_ it's not like he gives a damn. He's not here to see me or to be here for me. No way in hell and it's pissing me off. But at the same time I'm ice cold with apathy. It's kind of funny. I shut myself down completely. It's fun but at the same time not in the slightest, there's no pain when wizards come into my shop just to insult my family but there's also no hapiness when someone comes in to congratulate me on how hard I'm working to come back into the wizarding society full of prejudice and hate.

He's still not here though and that's the only thing that gets through my cold exterior. If he would just walk in through those doors and see me just once that'd be amazing, but it's not likely since I've been open a month now. My body felt frozen but then again I've been keeping the shop rather cold for some of my potions while my room is burning from potion making all the time. Despite the fact that an ex-Death Eater owns this shop, I still get a lot of business. There isn't a decent potions shop for hundreds of miles, and even though most can travel that distance easily, I still have one of the best quality shops in the entire world. That's just thanks to Severus though.

My cat sat down on my lap as I laid my head down on the counter and began to doze. I put an alarm on the door to silently warn me if someone comes into the store. I haven't been sleeping much so during dry times of the day I sleep for as long as possible before someone comes by to buy something from me. My brain became fuzzy just as the alarm went off making me sit up and look around. No one is here still even though the alarm went off. Blinking I got ready to sleep once again but that's when I saw a letter from Harry on the counter in front of me, I just glared and burned it on the spot. He needs to come see me himself, not send stupid letters my way.

For some reason I couldn't bring myself to care that I hadn't even bothered to open the letter. It just made me smile at my own strength and ability to put aside my minor obsession to live my life with my own standards. At the same time my stomach was aching with the knowledge that I'll never be able to read the letter that he wrote to me. Of course he could have written it in just a minute or two but even so I want to know… what he thought or was thinking. With a frown I forced myself to get up and go upstairs. I should work on something other than wasting my time moping about a stupid letter I should be happy I burned.

Maybe I should have frozen it instead… until it developed ice burns and died a slow painful death. Then again I would have been even more tempted to read it then now. It's kind of interesting though, thinking of a piece of parchment dying. I yawned softly and began to get my work table ready to make yet another potion. Severus' old potions book was in my hand with certain things crossed out and others made darker. He made sure to go through it with me to show me exactly what Potter had done and what I need to avoid. They were a series of secret meetings during the year that Severus was the Headmaster at Hogwarts. He was probably the best Headmaster to ever teach if only because he stopped Voldemort from truly taking over and he protected the students the best he could although he could never be called good. Severus was who he was and I like that.

Lies and illusions of trust and understanding, that's something to look up to and admire. It's something I want to be able to accomplish one day for the person I love, although I don't know who that would be at the moment. To be honest I don't even know the gender. It's not like I really care about that sort of thing, but Harry is seriously pissing me off. Taking a deep breath I did my best to get over the raw emotions filling me and instead focused on cooling myself down with a freezing potion. It's one that I've invented myself. It cools the mind down and numbs emotions that are becoming too strong. It's not like the Euphoria potion, I know the emotions are still there and never once do they go away but it's a temporary fix to make them dim down. At most the potion can be taken once a week. Any more than that and the user will have to be taken to St. Mungo's.

Once I started brewing an antidote for some common poisons that was too much of a bother to make a month ago I was suddenly stung slightly on my middle finger letting me know that a customer is in the shop. I placed a quick freezing spell on my potion so that time would freeze for the liquid and allow me to take care of the customer that has come to shop. When I got downstairs I was mildly surprised to see a nervous Granger waiting for me to come down. When she saw me she let out a light gasp of surprise then smiled at me, it looked more like a twitch but I didn't say anything. "Hello Malfoy! I've come by to… um… tell you that… er… Harry would like to see you. He knows you burnt the letter so he told me to come by here. Honestly he's being a coward but… can you just go see him?" She asked looking a bit exhausted and torn but she managed a slight smile that _was_ genuine. But I shook my head causing the smile to fade.

"We have an arrangement and that's not how it works. I've got things to do here and I can't leave suddenly to go after him. I'm sorry Granger." I said softly and then turned around to go back upstairs.


	7. He Came As A Coward

"You're dead, Potter."

"Funny, you would think I'd stop walking around…"

"Please don't go! He really wants to see you and he's scared! Please go see him!" Granger begged rushing forward to grab me but I turned around abruptly and glared. This is _my _shop, this is _my_ property,and this is my_ life _so she has no right to come in here and demand things that she has no understanding of in the first place. Honestly, I'd expect better from her. She's supposed to be the _smart_ one.

"He has no right to come to me for help when he's the one who decided everything without really making sure I'm okay with it. Do you even have the slightest idea what is going on?" I demanded and once her eyes widened I found out that she really doesn't know. The bloody bastard didn't even tell his messenger what was going on and just sent her with the message hoping her trust and brilliance would let him obtain his desire. Well he's an idiot and frankly I do not wish to waste my time with cowards. I knew she could tell that she was losing the argument but that doesn't matter. I can see the resolve in her eyes.

"Harry isn't usually a complete coward, so that has to show you something! He really cares about whatever it is he wants to see you for and you won't even give him a chance!" She cried making me smirk idly at her ignorance. She seemed taken back by the smirk but was vigilant in defending her friend and what he means by what he's doing. Honestly, some Slytherin would have done well in her, if she even had an ounce of it then she would have questioned his reasoning by now.

"He was supposed to see me, you know. He was supposed to drop by and show me just how wonderful this world can be even with the past that I have. Harry was supposed to give me everything and yet he hasn't even dropped by. He gave me a letter a month after I got situated and in return I burned it. He wasn't here for me at all so why should I come running when he tries to come back into my life when it's convenient for him? I said _no_ and then he changed my mind. Then I _waited_ and he never came. You're really naïve you know that? Just because someone you love and trust says something doesn't mean it's true. People lie all the time." I informed her with such a blank voice that tears filled her eyes. I don't blame her; this is a new form of cruelty, even for me.

"You're heartless." She spat and left the store making me smile softly and run a hand through my hair. He won't come for me now, so I can relax and get over him while living my life. Looking around the empty shop my eyes began to dry. It doesn't matter if this isn't living; I like my life just fine, with or without an actual life in it. Checking my pulse I saw that I _am_ in fact living. This is fine, for now, forever. _It's all just fine._

Taking a deep breath I then headed into the other room and tried my best to keep calm, I need to get over all this pain and anger and rage and just live a little. Of course, since my life is full of little coincidences, Goyle and Blaise walked into my shop. They were smiling and chatting with each other but when they saw me their grins brightened. "Draco! How is the shop going?" Blaise asked and walked toward me looking excited. His eyes began to look around at the store itself, and soon he was letting out a low whistle. "This is incredible! You're family must really love you." He joked but I just nodded slowly. It's true. If they didn't love me and love the work I've done for the family as much as they do then I probably wouldn't even have a shop.

"It's adequate. I may increase the size if I get a decent amount of business." I said softly and examined the room with a slight frown, it could be bigger but the very thought of having to make even more potions than I already do is exhausting just in thought. It will be much worse if I actually attempt it.

"You're so serious." Goyle rolled his eyes at me making my own widen before I smirked and shook my head. Of course he'd think that! They'd always think that, but it's fine, I'm not really as serious as they make me out to be. I thought about it for a second longer then shook my head internally. Never mind, I may just be 'so serious.'

"He's always been that way." Blaise grinned but Goyle just shook his head. It was almost as though he knew… but isn't that impossible? He's an idiot and when we were kids… he's had to have forgotten that by now. He's had to have. But when I looked at Goyle his eyes shown with a bit of remorse and regret, that's when I knew he remembered.

"When we were kids he was always joking around and laughing, having a good time with us seemed like the best thing in the world." Goyle said softly and scratched his nose with pursed lips. Blaise just blinked in surprise.

"_Us?_" Blaise asked curiously making Goyle and I exchange glances before looking around the potions shop for something else to entertain ourselves with. That's when he let out a sigh, letting me know that he figured out. "Oh guys I'm so sorry… I didn't mean to bring him up." He cried making me smirk, he should have been a bloody Gryffindor.

"Its fine, Crabbe is gone." Goyle informed us blankly and picked at his ear a little before turning around and starting to leave. "I have to go. See you, Draco." I nodded to him and watched as he left. Blaise blinked hard then began to hurry after him. I forgot that he failed the Apparating test.

"Bye Draco! We'll see you soon!" He called just before leaving. I watched them go then turned around to finally finish the potion I left sitting in my kitchen, a fire hazard of course but since I know every spell to fix almost anything that can go wrong with potion making; I just smiled softly and hurried upstairs to my flat. It's a little too quiet now. They were only here for a couple minutes but in all that time I felt alive for once, that's something that just thinking about Harry does for me, but this time I had to have my friends visit for it to happen.

There is one good thing about Harry not visiting me or trying to start the relationship he so obviously wanted at Hogwarts… it means that I still have my friends and that I still have people who like me and want me to continue running my amazing shop. Because, of course, anything by a Malfoy is amazing, although a lot of people would disagree with that now. I should probably just remember what I almost had and smile at all the possibilities. It could have been wonderful and I could have been happy… oh well no use thinking about what could have been.

I smiled to myself and practically skipped over to the potion that was waiting for me at my table. In a matter of seconds I was working once more with everything that happened today behind my shoulder.

My mood didn't change for the rest of the week even with Granger coming in daily to convince me to see him. She always gave news about his daily attitude of despair that just kept increasing by the hour it seemed. I ignored her for the most part and soon she didn't just come by to annoy me but to look at my selection. "I'm surprised you don't have at least one poison in here." She murmured softly. "Not even weed killer or gnome repellant." She continued but I just frowned.

"The Daily Prophet would have a field day saying I'm selling poisons of the highest caliber, which would only make more people hate me. They don't have anything on me at the moment though, and I'm enjoying that." I informed her blandly causing her to nod. It seems as though she understands to some extent. It's good that Potter has someone smart with him to help his brain work, without Granger he'd probably be a gnome and unable to be the hero that everyone thinks he is.

"I don't know why he won't come here himself…" Granger murmured honestly making me stop organizing dragon blood and gnome noses. I turned to see her eyes downcast as she bit her lip lightly. "It's rather ridiculous, really, at this point. You're not bad, Draco, a little worn around the edges that are a bit too rough for someone to understand but… you're not bad at all." She smiled kindly making me turn away, not wanting to discuss this any further.

"Are you ever going to buy anything or is your talent, along with those nose of yours, in loitering in places it has no business being?" I asked making sure the insult was clear. Her eyes widened and she glared. Calling her an 'it' and associating her nose being in places it doesn't belong… those are things that would never insult me but of course that's different for Granger. She's just so terrified of rejection that I find it kind of… funny. It isn't even that harsh of a tease in all honesty, but this is Granger and she's Potter's messenger so it would seem all the more cruel to her.

"Why do you always push others away?" She asked making me smile slyly before placing a finger to my lips in quiet musing. I didn't think she _wouldn't_ figure it out. But I was hoping it'd be Potter before her. Then again, she's spent more time with me than Potter has at this point. Perhaps I could be with Granger, although being with someone with such filthy blood is a disturbing thought to say the least. Potter doesn't have disturbing blood though… but he is a disgusting coward.

"I push others away because others die." I said honestly and turned around to leave. She stopped me with a flick of her wand and made me turn around, her eyes filling with tears.

"I am so sorry Crabbe died!" She said through her tears making me smile softly at her ignorance and stupidity.

"Severus meant something to me too… they both died that night fighting for different sides. I lost a lot that night and your pity does nothing for me." I informed her and felt the spell she placed on my body beginning to wear off as I was able to make myself comfortable.

"That must have been terrible!" She said through her tears but I just frowned at her mock pity. This is ridiculous, is she trying to have a 'who has the saddest life' contest?

"Stop fooling around, I know you made your parents forget your existence so that they would be safe." I hissed causing her to stop and stare at me with a watery smile on her face. Of course Granger wants pity… that's what any sane person would want in this situation but feeling nothing like I am at the moment, I didn't bother to even smile at her in return. Instead I just shook my head in disbelief and walked away from the pathetic creature but wound up having to stay as a witch entered the shop to have a look around. "Can I help you with anything?" I asked her politely causing the witch to turn and glare at me with tears in her eyes.

"Go kill yourself, that'd be a nice thing to help me with." She replied kindly with a bright smile before returning to looking for a decent potion. Granger's eyes became wide as I just nodded towards her before sitting behind the counter waiting for her to find what she's looking for.

"Cho, how could you say something like that to him?" Granger cried looking shocked. She must have thought my hard shell was just for looks, not because I have to deal with this crap daily. What a cold heartless person Granger must be for not realizing how much torture I probably have to go through on a daily basis. Everyone hates my family, everyone wants my family dead, and I'm just the lucky son of a gun who happens to work in an open place they can easily insult me in without getting too injured. It makes them happy at least and it gives me business from those who pity me.

When the witch walked over to me she was holding a Euphoria potion making my eyes widen slightly while her own narrowed. "I need this because of what you and your family did. Hermione, please stay out of this, it has nothing to do with you." The old Ravenclaw hissed as I rang her up. She handed me the galleons and began to walk away but when she got to the door she stopped and sighed softly. "If I had the ability to kill you now I would." She whispered before leaving. It wasn't the saddest sight I'd seen and far from the worst so I paid her no mind and pulled out my list of items bought.

"You don't seem affected but… does this happen often? You didn't even respond to anything she said." Granger murmured but I just ignored her as well and counted up the money in the cash register. I have more than enough to pay the bills but I don't have quite enough to afford the luxury items I'm used to but if I buy some- 'cheap' items then I can put the rest of my money in Gringotts until I've saved up enough to be able to buy all the things I used to own in my days of aristocracy. Those days can't be too far away if I keep making this much money.

"It doesn't matter if this happens or if it doesn't. She still bought something didn't she? She was just trying to make me guilty. It's not really my fault that she's in so much pain. I didn't do many things while serving the freak, my parents did but as soon as he began to threaten our family we didn't… want to be with him anymore, but we didn't have a choice. Well we did but it wasn't a good one. Either the family dies or we do some work for the creep. We chose to work. My family is now safe because of it and that's good. It's great actually." I said with a light smile on my face. Our family loyalty _was_ that great.

"Draco…" She started but then her watch began buzzing making her eyes widen. "I've been here two hours! Oh no! Ronald is going to kill me!" Granger cried and quickly left leaving me to my thoughts once more. The day became dull after that with only two more customers. The days are getting darker earlier which shows that summer is ending. He really isn't coming is he? But thoughts like that depress me and I'd prefer not to show how much he _still_ fucking affects me. When I went to bed that night I got another letter from Potter and froze it completely so that it would take longer to be destroyed but I knew it would die eventually. That's what letters do after all. They wither with age and then die when they become dull and fade away to where they barely resemble pieces of parchment. That's the way humans are as well, both magic and not. Thoughts like these may make people stop hating me so much.

I frowned softly and did my best not to grimace as tears started to fall down my cheeks, fat annoying drops of water were falling of their own accord with no true business for doing so. I'm not sad and I live a fairly decent life. There is nothing I feel like complaining about that hurts too much for me to want immediate change, and I'm having a steady time bringing the business up, even with the ridicule and rumors. I handle them all just fine and yet… I'm crying. I wanted to reach out and read the letter but it was already getting freeze burns all over it. It's dead now, I killed it.

I kill a lot of things. I killed Crabbe. I should have known better than to go after Potter without _my _wand and with Crabbe and Goyle wanting to prove their worth to the Dark Lord. There was so much I could have done and yet I didn't because I was a scared and helpless child, not like Potter. He had to grow up when he was just a little kid and he never once complained as far as I saw. He went through complete and total shit and yet he came out just fine. What am I compared to _that_? I'm nothing, nothing at all.

I started to change my clothes in order to go to bed when I heard the sound of glass breaking and some mild cursing. Abandoning my attempt at changing I raced downstairs to see Harry James Potter in my store looking thoroughly confused and little bloody from the glass of the door. He cursed once again making me cross my arms and glare at him, only just then realizing my lack of a shirt. Oh well, it doesn't matter. I don't need one to tell him to go. I also don't need one to convince him to stay.

"Hey Draco," The Golden Boy grinned cheesily making me frown at him before turning around and heading back upstairs. He did a quick repair spell and raced after me making faster progress then I'd hoped. When he got to my room he whistled long and low. "This is amazing, Dragon!" He said in an awe filled voice but I just ignored him and walked over to my dresser to continue getting ready for bed. "You know I'm going to follow you until you talk to me right?" Potter smirked making me roll my eyes. Nervous my ass, if he has the courage to do all this then Granger lied. She lied to me all this time to make me think that he was such a bloody mess but he seems completely fine to me! What the bloody hell?

"Go away and don't ever come back." I hissed angrily and walked into the bathroom to brush my teeth. He followed me in there as well and sat on the counter, looking down at me with a cheeky smile. Obviously the Chosen One doesn't know when he isn't welcome. It must be hard for him, getting free stuff thrown at him with his every turn and having admirers constantly fawning over him. I think I would kill myself, that is, if sarcasm doesn't do it first.

"But Draco I'm in love with you!" He cried making me look at his red face and scared eyes before putting down my toothbrush and slamming my fist into his face before rinsing out my mouth and washing my brush. Placing it on the stand delicately I then turned around and went back into the bedroom getting ready to sleep.

"Why won't you listen to me? Why do you destroy my letters? Why are you so mean to Hermione? Why won't you even look at me… just once?" Potter growled but then his voice broke and he started to cry. He doesn't understand and I'm not going to tell him exactly what's going on in my head. That'd be too cruel. I turned around and looked at him for a couple seconds before glancing away.

"You don't care about me at all. That's what pisses me off and makes me run from you all the bloody time, Potter. You don't care. If you cared then you would have come here before now! If you cared you wouldn't have sent Granger! If you cared you would have either killed me or kissed me but instead when we were at school you barely even looked at me until the obsession started and you created this sick little fantasy that we'd work _out_ and that we'd be _happy_. The world isn't that _kind_, Potter! It really isn't!" I shouted causing his eyes to widen as the tears finally stopped. There… he gets it now.

"I-I _do_ care." He whispered softly but I just shook my head with narrowed eyes, willing him to _understand_.

"When you finally do care then come by to see me… but the one thing that hurts more than anything in this world is when someone just doesn't give a damn about you. Hating is something anyone should be able to handle because that means the person cares… they actually give a _damn_, even if it's the wrong _damn_. But this… you don't care. So stop deluding yourself." This speech was probably hurting me a lot more than it hurt him, but my body is turning to ice once again and my eyes are slits while his are simply large round balls of innocence and naivety.

"I-I'm sorry to have disturbed you. I'll do my best to refrain from doing so again." He said softly in a voice full of resignation before turning around and leaving my home, my shop, and my life. I smiled at the door but it was forced, like I was holding onto the pretenses around me. My fists were clenched like a defiant child and my eyes were… I could tell what they were but I don't like it. Forcing my fingers apart I then smiled bitterly feeling something… something hurts really badly but I don't know what and I can't fix it and it _hurts…_

"What are you?" I asked softly clutching at the piece of _something_ deep inside me. Whatever it is it's _hurting_ and _breaking_ and **_killing_**. I took a deep breath and forced myself to think of something _anything_ else. Harry will probably understand now just why I can't be with him or waste my time with all this. The pain inside me is burning of course as it should be but I was just so used to it. I'm always so used to it. Why should this feel so much different?

I was tempted to grab a Euphoria Potion right then and there but _I can't do that_. I am _unable_ to do that. It'd be _cheating_ after all. My fists clenched tightly as bile rose in my throat. I had to do it, there is no point regretting it because he _will never learn_. There is rejection in this world and I do not want him. Not when he doesn't really care. I won't fall over myself because of him either, so I must live my life and love the idea of what could have been while freezing myself in what _is_.

White sweat covered my body but I ignored it and slid into my bed, my expression void of all emotion as I did my best to rest. How is it that whatever humans don't need is what they truly want? I don't need him, I really don't and I'll be much better off without him. Everything will always be better. He's mediocre after all… even with all his _luck_. Mediocre people do exceptional things all the time though.

I wonder if I should get revenge on the world for everything I've gone through. My eyes drooped slightly as I forced out a half hearted laugh. What could _I_ do? I've already rejected Harry Bloody Potter. That should count. If life is fair then it should count, but life isn't fair. I've known this since I was a child when my father got rid of the puppy my mother had gotten me. Crabbe is all I should think about now, if I want to think of Potter then I must think of Crabbe in return. I walked over to my bed and curled up under the covers, but it didn't warm me in the slightest.

My eyes closed… making me feel so soft and weak in this cold bed of mine. Even with the large comforters covering my freezing body I still felt on the point of getting frost burn. That's when I realized what it was making tears fall down slowly, like I'm a wimp or a child. So much for everything I've been taught and so much for these feelings that show up in random intervals to torture me. I should pay though, I should be punished. I need to be for hurting everyone in this bloody country by picking the _wrong side_.

But it's not fair.

Any side could have been the victor in this case and yet we chose the winning side and lost. That is my sin and I did nothing worse than that. I'm a puppet whose strings are still there although invisible. But without the strings… I will just collapse onto the stage, making a fool of myself as I am unable to do anything on my own. There is a chance that without these strings I will finally be free… but my entire life won't go away in a matter of seconds. The strings have been there since birth, and muscle memory will never allow me to forget it.


End file.
